Fiona Apple's Hashish Arrest Turns 'Criminal' Into Her Perfect Theme Song

fiona appleSad news, Apple fans in Austin: Fiona Apple was arrested for drug possession yesterday near the Mexican border in Sierra Blanca, Texas. Police say they found hashish, a more potent form of marijuana, in her tour bus. Oh Fiona, I know you've sung about yourself as a "Criminal," but isn't this taking things a little too literally?

All Fiona needs is a good defense ... Aw, you know I had to say it! I'm just getting that out of the way. But seriously, Fiona needs a good defense. She's got some disappointed fans waiting for her in Austin, where she was supposed to perform tonight. Instead of Fiona singing "Criminal," fans will be crying "criminal." Is there any hope for Fiona -- and her fans?


Well, she's sufferin' for her sins at the Hudspeth County Jail. Oof, that's like a seven-hour drive away from Austin! Let's see, meet with judge, wire money for bail, lunch for the crew, pack it all back up ... I don't know, pack it all up by 2:00 p.m. and maybe they can still make it! C'mon, judge, let Fiona go!

I mean, it's just some silly ol' hashish! It's not like she's doing heroin or coke. And she just bought the stuff. It's not like she's a drug kingpin. Let her off with a little warning? I think it's her first offense, isn't it? (I could be wrong.) Maybe it was one of the crew members' hashish. Maybe she was just keeping it for him in her bag. You know, as a favor? It's possible. Fiona seems like she'd be cool that way, as long as the crew member promised to share later on.

If only Fiona hadn't followed in the illegal footsteps of fellow tokin' celebs Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg, and Armie Hammer. Sierra Blanca is where they were arrested for drug possession, too. What is it with that border town? Do they have a great spa there or something?

Anyway, here's hoping Fiona gets out soon so she can continue with her otherwise-non-criminal tour.

Are you surprised by Fiona's arrest for drug possession?


Image via TMZ

Read More >