Prince Harry Threatened by Terrorist Taliban in Afghanistan

prince harryPoor Prince Harry, out of the scalding cauldron of the Vegas nakey scandal and into the clutches of terrorist organization the Taliban! Now that Harry is back on duty in Afghanistan, the Taliban says they'll attempt to either kidnap or assassinate Captain Wales while he's there. And no, this is not a tabloid rumor. It's for real -- they're calling it "Harry Operations." A Taliban spokesman said this morning, "We are using all our strength to get rid of him, either by killing or kidnapping. We have informed our commanders in Helmand to do whatever they can to eliminate him."

Ptthh, good luck with that, Taliban. Look, if the British can't contain Harry and his merry band of Vegas floozies, you haven't a chance in hell. And if the Queen herself can't scare Harry, he's certainly not going to be intimidated by a rag-tag band of terrorists.

Anyway, Taliban, are you sure you really want this guy?

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I know he's a total infidel and you're into clamping down on that sort of thing, but haven't you noticed? That boy is nothing but trouble. He'll have you throwing off your robes and downing flaming tequila shots. And you'll love it! Prince Harry will corrupt you and turn the lot of you into hell-courting, amber-and-leather necklace-wearing sinners. And then where will the Taliban be? Vegas, with all the other fallen men who just lost their chance to marry 1,000 chaste virgins in the afterlife, that's where.

All I can think is that they must not read the tabloids. (Too many nude photos?) I'm not sure the Taliban can tell between Windsor boys. Unless they want to capture the most prominent example of the decadent west -- in which case, I suppose Harry is their man. (Though I say Russian President "Threesome" Putin wins that title. But you know, Russia, Afghanistan, history ... no, you don't know? Google it.)

Anyway, doesn't the Taliban have better things to do? It's like someone's young nephew, who's interning with the terrorist organization this semester, came up with the idea and the guys were like, "Yeah, sure, run with it." And you just know that when the Queen first heard of Harry Operations, she paused, ever so briefly, before saying, "Please do your utmost to protect Captain Wales."

I'm sure Harry's very well protected. I just hope the Taliban doesn't hurt any other non-royal troops in their attempt to nab Harry.

Do you think the Taliban is serious about Harry Operations?

 

Image via Splash News

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