Patti LaBelle Would’ve Eaten a Baby if Not for Her Security Team

patti labellePatti LaBalle be crazy, y'all. The 68-year-old Grammy Award winner may have stolen our hearts with her powerful vocals and colorful caftans, but she's recently stolen a childhood, and well, that's not cool. According to the New York Post, LaBelle, back in 2010, lost her shit when she saw an infant girl playing near the lobby door of the Trump Palace, where she was staying. LaBelle was so outraged by the sight of the little one having some fun that she stormed over to the baby's mother and spew forth a slew of expletives that only Joan Rivers could be proud of, and dumped a bottle of water on the mother's head. Patti was shrieking, and not in a hit-the-high-note good kinda way.

Note to self. Put on hooded raincoat. Place toddler in vicinity of Patti LaBelle. Watch the explosion. Collect $100,000.


Apparently, Patti had to be restrained by her security team before she could pop off the baby's head and eat it like a peanut M&M. The mom, obviously, wasn't really down with Patti's attack and filed a lawsuit, which, as you can guess, resulted in a $100 grand payday after settling out of court.

The mom claims the baby became more wary of strangers after witnessing Hurricane Patti, which, duh. Alleged side effects aside, you can't just go around freaking the eff out when you see an innocent toddler playing in, gasp, an apartment building lobby. If that were the case, I'd be dropping F-bombs and water bottle bombs all over parents who let their kids kick the back of my airplane seat for 10 hours. But we live by a set of rules here in our fair nation, and much to Patti's chagrin, she too has to live by them.

I think it's worth mentioning that the victim plans to donate the hundred Gs to charity, which forms a nice juxtaposition to Patti's Tasmanian Baby-Hating Devil behavior. I mean, we all knew Patti was a diva, but wow, this story really makes it seem like she's insane. Chomp chomp.

Can you believe this?


Photo via Vivanista1/Flickr

Read More >