Prince Harry's Porn Offer Is Higher Than Octomom, Lower Than Britney Spears

Prince HarryI suppose it was only a matter of time after Prince Harry's nude photos went public that the porn offer would come in, and leave it to the ever-enterprising folks at Vivid Entertainment to do so. You have to hand it to Vivid, not only can they be counted on to capitalize on a public figure's cringe-worthy personal circumstances, they've got the budget to back it up -- and their offer letters are pretty entertaining in their own right.

Vivid's founder has written the royal palace to offer Prince Harry the chance to star in an adult film called The Trouble With Harry, and they're willing to pay him a cool $10 million for the chance. Vivid assures Harry that "the Crown Jewels will not be 'minimized' in any way" in the film.

Call me crazy, but I'm fairly certain no one's going to reply to this generous opportunity. Just for fun, though, let's see how Harry stacks up against some other celebrities who have received similar porn offers.

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Britney Spears: $100 million. This wasn't actually an offer to do a porn, but a promise from celebrity porn merchant David Hans Schmidt to pay $100 million for the sex tape that supposedly existed of Britney Spears and her then-husband Kevin Federline. As far as I know, no one ever took him up on it.

Pippa Middleton: $5 million. The rear end that launched a million fans also intrigued the folks at Vivid, who said her "beauty and attitude" was worth $5 million for just one scene.

Sarah Palin: $3 million and a bunch of crab. After pornography director Cezar Capone failed to get Palin's approval for a $2 million porn offer in 2008, he increased his bid to $3 million and a "lifetime supply of Alaskan king crab."

Octomom: $1 million. Vivid started out by offering Nadya Suleman $1 million in 2009 to star in her own skin flick, which she turned down. Vivid tried again with a $500,000 offer in 20120, and after Suleman posed topless in 2012, they lowered their bait to $100,000. She's since made a, ah, "self pleasure" adult movie with Wicked Pictures called Octomom: Home Alone.

Carrie Prejean: $1 million. Vivid was quick to offer ex-Miss California USA Carrie Prejean -- aka Miss Opposes Same-Sex Marriage -- a cool million after her topless photo controversy. As Vivid put it, "This is purely a business offer and has nothing to do with your religion or your personal beliefs."

Casey Anthony: unknown. Vivid actually rescinded their (super gross and exploitative) offer to Anthony, saying, "It has become obvious to us that Vivid fans, and people in general, want nothing to do with her and that includes a XXX movie. We want to make movies that people want to watch and we now believe that we underestimated the emotional response that people are having to the verdict. A movie starring Casey Anthony is not what people want to see." Well, DUH.

Fred Willard: a computer. After getting busted with his pants down in an adult theater last month, porn site youporn.com wrote Willard a letter explaining that most porn can now be accessed through a machine called a “computer,” and they'd "like to buy you a home computer and have one of our youporn.com representatives come to your home to install it for you now that you may have some downtime." Okay, points for creativity on that one.

Are you at all surprised to hear Prince Harry has already received a porn offer? What do you think of my suggested porn title, Ginger: Good for What Ales You?


Image via The Prince of Wales

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