'True Blood' Season Finale Recap: Bill Is a Puddle of Vampire Goo!? (VIDEO)

bill authorityWhere's Lafayette?! Where IS that bitch with a Cajun-style margarita? Because after watching the True Blood Season 5 finale, I could use a "little sippy sip," as Bon Temps' bestest bartender ever would say. I mean, I'm sorry. But what in the name of Lilith was that all about?! You'd think immortal-types would figure out how NOT to be total d-bags after a century or 10, but it's just like Pam said tonight:

"One of the worst things about being immortal is having to watch the same fucking scenario over and over and over ... All roads lead to fucking Sookie."

(Here's your spoiler alert, btw ... )


Well, yes, all roads pretty much do lead to Sookie. Except sometimes all roads lead to Tara, don't they, Pam? Saw that lip-lock comin', aww yeah (lesbian vampire hook-up victory dance, uh-huh).

Anyway, besides the Tara/Pam kiss, Russell's death (sorry, I warned you about the spoiler thing!), and Salome's death (sorry, I warned you about the spoiler thing!), I can honestly say (again, borrowing a phrase from Lafayette), I did NOT see that shit coming!

I mean, I'd pretty much written Bill off as a disappointment already ... but seriously?! I wasn't expecting him to poison Salome, overdose on sacred blood, dissolve into a gooey puddle and be reborn as a blood-soaked male Lilith. Shoot, no wonder Sookie was crying.

It's kind of like Alcide's dad said: "The worst part of bein' a parent ... no matter how hard you try, you can't keep your children from figurin' out what a shithole this world is."

Damn straight, Alcide's dad! But is the world gonna get any less shithole-ish next season?!

Do you think things will get better in Bon Temps during Season 6 of True Blood?

Image via HBO

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