Kim Kardashian’s Sex Diet Plan Doesn’t Add Up (Literally)

kim kardashian kanye westWanna know how Kim Kardashian maintains that amazing figure? According to Kris Jenner an anonymous source who spoke to the National Enquirer, Kim's keeping trim on the sex diet. Yup, that means Kimmy's staying slim by doing it with boyfriend Kanye West. The diet consists of having sex every day of the week, which burns calories and suppresses one's appetite, and according to Kris the source, Kim's managed to lose seven pounds in seven days by adhering to this flirtatious fitness plan.

Sound a little too good to be true? Let's break out our number two pencils -- it's time to do some math! Here's the word problem: If Kim Kardashian lost seven pounds in seven days, and 30 minutes of coitus burns about 145 calories, how much sex did she have in that one week?

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First of all, that's a terrible word problem. The answer to that would be D) not enough info. We need to know how many calories you have to burn to lose a pound of fat. On average, you have to burn 3,500 to lose a pound of fat.

OK. So, for Kim to have lost a pound A DAY, she needs a deficit of 3,500 calories each 24-hour period. If sex burns 145 every 30 minutes, that means that she needs to have sex TWELVE HOURS A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, to lose the weight she supposedly lost. (145 calories x 2 = 290 calories an hour x 12 = 3,504 calories burned.)

Now, let's be generous. Let's say that Kim and Kanye are really active and acrobatic between the sheets ... even if you double her calories burned per one hour of sexual intercourse, that's STILL six hours a day that she needs to be boning. And that, obviously, IS INSANE.

I don't think I've ever used caps lock so much in a post before, but I can't help but get overwhelmed by the math, and the amount of sex that is allegedly happening. I'M FLABBERGASTED.

Which is to say, the answer is A) there's NO WAY this sex diet is real. Pencils down.

Thoughts on this sex diet thingy?

 

Photo via accidentalpaparazzi/Flickr

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