'True Blood' Recap: Alcide Can't Get No Satisfaction (VIDEO)

sookie and alcideHold. On. To. Your. Hats. Because. Oh. My. God. I have some huge news for you, Truebies!! You know how everybody's been totally freaking, trying to figure out what True Blood Season 5's brand new supernatural creature could possibly be? Well, now we know! And I can pretty much guarantee that no matter what possibility you had your money on -- zombies, unicorns, the Easter Bunny -- you lost this bet. Sorry. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't even know this thing existed. (You know, mythologically speaking.)

Anyway, I'll tell you what the new creature is, but not until after the jump! In the meantime, further observations from tonight's episode of True Blood:

Vampires and Peach Schnapps do not a romantic-faerie-werewolf-interlude make (sorry Alcide, maybe next time).

Jason Stackhouse should clearly wear He-Man feet pajamas 24/7.

And can I just rewind that part where Bill and Eric and Alcide are all barking at each other? Like over and over again?

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Okay, spoiler alert!!!  Terry, of all people, is responsible for the new "supe" in town! It followed him and Patrick and the crazy guy in the basement all the way from Iraq ... and it is ... apparently ... an Ifrit!!

Oh my god, not an ... wait, a what?! Okay, here's the deal: Much like the crazy vet holding a gun to Terry and Patrick's heads, I did some Googling, and an Ifrit is apparently an enormous winged creature of fire from Islamic and Arabic cultures "who lives underground and frequents ruins." (They can be either male or female.)

Um, yeah. Because Terry and his buds, they did some bad stuff back in Iraq. Not pretty. Ick.

Anyway. In other news, Sam and Luna got shot, Tara and Pam had a vampire catfight, Jesus' decapitated head showed up from out of nowhere, and Russell Edgington is back.

It was a busy night.

What did you think of True Blood's newest supernatural character? 


Image via HBO

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