'True Blood' Season 5 Premiere Recap: Incest & Sweatsuits?! (VIDEO)

true blood premiereTrue Blood is back with a BANG, baby! Finally, finally Season 5 of the best show ever has begun ... and Hooker, tonight did not disappoint!

I mean, talk about HOT. I'll avoid any obvious plot giveaways until after the jump, just in case any of you Truebies out there got trapped in a burning building or something and MISSED the premiere, but I can at least sing the praises of Eric's bare bottom in all its Alexander Skarsgard-ian glory.


Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way ... SPOILER ALERT -- SPOILER ALERT -- SPOILER ALERT ...


Okay, did Pam steal this effing show or what?! Cold-as-ice girlfriend has always been the Queen of One-Liners, but tonight Eric's progeny outdid herself. My favorite?

"I am wearing a Walmart sweatsuit for y'all. If that ain't a demonstration of team spirit, I don't know what is."

Ahahaha! And what a Walmart sweatsuit! (Yellow with butterflies!!! Brilliant.) AND she surprised us all by turning Tara. We knew Tara was going to end up a vampire, but Pam as her maker?? That was a surprise!

Not quite as much of a surprise as Eric getting it on with his sister, but ... I know!! Can you believe it?! Of course, Nora is pretty hot, and she's only his "sister" because she and Eric had the same maker (Godric), but still. Eric's best one-liner, by the way?

"We fight like siblings. But we f*ck like champions."

No argument there, ASkars.

Other big shockers: Reverend Kevin Newlin (now a vampire) is totally hot for Jason Stackhouse (actually, that's not a big shocker). Jason continues to be a dumbass horndog (okay, that's not a big shocker either).

But still so many questions unanswered! What the hell is up with Terry's buddy Patrick? Why did Lafayette shave his head? What kind of messed-up vampire IS Tara, anyway? When the hell is Sookie going to hook up with Alcide?

Thank gawd we only have to wait until next week for our next transfusion ...

What did you think of the True Blood Season 5 premiere?

Image via HBO

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