Lana Del Rey & Axl Rose Are NOT a Match Made in 'Paradise City'

lana del rey axl roseFile this one under Most Freaking Bizarre Rock Star Couple Since Katy Perry and Russell Brand: Lana Del Rey and Axl Rose were spotted leaving the Chateau Marmont together. Like, together. That's right, the 25-year-old Del Rey and the 50-year-old Rose are apparently an item.

Wait, Axl Rose is 50?!?! Does somebody have a paper bag I can breathe into? I just saw my entire life flash before my eyes.

Anyway, back to the middle-aged metal god's latest ... whatever she is.

(And by the way -- what is she, exactly? I mean, besides a much-hyped singer who crashed and burned on SNL. Perhaps I missed something?)

I want to say this relationship is a publicity stunt gone horribly wrong, but here's the most freaking bizarre thing of all ...


Seems like Lana Del Rey has been crushing on Axl for quite some time -- she recorded a song called "Axl Rose Husband" way back before a certain not-ready-for-prime-time moment made her famous. Lyrics include the line: "You're my one king daddy, I'm your little queen."

Okay. Lana, we need to talk.

First of all, I'm pretty sure you ripped off the title "Axl Rose Husband" from the back of my doodle-covered ninth grade algebra notebook, but I'mma let you finish. Cause Sweet Child O' Mine, Axl was THE MAN back when I was daydreaming about our wedding during math class (it would totally be just like the scene in the "November Rain" video!). But now? Honey, you might think Axl Rose is only TWICE your age, but the average Axl year equals at least five regular human years, so really he's old enough to be Keith Richards' grandpa. And again, back when he could really rock those leather pants, dating him would've definitely been a boon for your career.

Now? Not so much. Of course we'll always love Axl, just because he's Axl. But we don't have to "love" Axl, if you get my drift.

Can somebody get Slash on the line to talk some sense into this girl?

Do you think Lana Del Rey and Axl Rose make a good couple?


Image via Pacific Coast News

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