If Taylor Lautner Plays a Fat, Drug-Addicted Prostitute He'll Totally Win an Oscar

taylor lautnerNo one can accuse Taylor Lautner of not trying to break out of the Jacob/shirtless werewolf mold, not considering the strikingly broad spectrum of post-Twilight roles he's been attached to: First there was action/thriller Abduction, then he signed on to star in an upcoming Gus Van Sant project (which, being a Gus Van Sant project, is definitely going to be an indie/art house kind of something), now he's apparently been cast in Adam Sandler's ensemble comedy sequel Grown Ups 2. (Oh yeah, there was the Stretch Armstrong thing, too, but that didn't pan out.)

Anyway, I admire him for being all eager and whatnot, but if he really wants to make us forget about Twilight, Taylor Lautner needs a breakout role of epic proportions. Epic, I say! That's how it's done in Hollywood, after all.

Stars do it all the time.

Sometimes they even end up with an Oscar nod in the process.

Here are some great examples of breakout roles (watch and learn, Taylor!):


Gain weight and play a druggie prostitute who kills his victims (Charlize Theron, Monster)

Grow out his hair and play a M2F transexual (Hilary Swank, Boys Don't Cry)

Gain weight AND grow out his hair and play a junkie mob hit man (John Travolta, Pulp Fiction)

Play a drunk, sputtering war veteran (Tom Cruise, Born on the 4th of July)

Wear a cowboy hat and look hot and sleep with an older woman about to drive off a cliff (Brad Pitt, Thelma & Louise)

Play a Judge Wapner-obsessed savant (Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man)

Wear eyeliner and look hot and talk like a pirate (Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean)

Gain weight and wear a funny hat and play a pregnant cop (Frances McDormand, Fargo)

Lose a TON of weight and play a washed-up former boxer (Christian Bale, The Fighter)

Hope you've been paying attention, Taylor Lautner! Basically, either put on or take off a significant number of pounds and you should be an Oscar shoe-in.

What kind of role do you think Taylor Lautner needs to break away from Twilight?


Image via Eva Rinaldi/Flickr

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