Kate Middleton's 30th Birthday Will Be Fit for a (Boring) Princess

kate middletonFor anybody who's ever turned 30, or been to a 30th birthday party, you know it's an epic event. You're 30. You've reached your fourth decade. You're officially an adult, and that's something to celebrate. So, naturally, 30th birthday events are customarily accompanied by a meticulously-planned outfit (preferably waterproof, as drinks, vomit, and/or other fluids will inevitably get on it), excessive drinking, completely asinine dancing, and of course, a subsequent day of pounding headaches, the driest mouth you've ever had, and a resolution to "grow up" in the next year. It's a rite of passage. Unless you're Kate Middleton.

It's the Duchess' birthday today, didja know? And how do you think the future Queen of England will be spending this momentous occasion? At a Pippa-planned 80s-themed party, as has been reported? Oh, no, no, no. You don't get to engage in such frivolity when you're royalty, my friend. Kate's birthday will be much more civilized and snooze-tastic than that.


According to palace officials, who do most of Kate's talking for her, the Duchess of Cambridge’s birthday celebration will be a “low-key and private” affair. AKA, no waterproof outfit, no dancing, and no head full of glorious regrets the following day. Bo-ring.

After a 21st birthday, the 30th birthday is the birthday to go celebrate. Typically, you don't have kids at that point, and you can still get away with acting like an idiot, where as at 40 or 50, it's much less acceptable. It's almost like your last balls-to-the-wall hurrah. And Kate's missing out.

But, I guess you can look at the flip-side of the coin. She does get a lot of perks. Her life is pretty fantastic. And she will be the Queen of England some day. It's a small sacrifice to make for a ridiculously awesome, better-than-everyone else existence. But the cake at this boring event better be damn good.

What did you do -- or are you planning on doing -- on your 30th birthday?


Image via Chris Jackson/Getty

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