Jeremy Renner's Brutal Bar Fight Sounds Scarier Than His Action Films

Bad news for my boyfriend Jeremy Renner—oh, did you not know that he was my boyfriend? Yes, after I saw him as Sergeant Doyle in 28 Weeks Later he instantly became my fake Hollywood boyfriend, despite rumors that he might, ah, not be batting for my team, not that that sort of thing even remotely matters because if I'm going to have a fake Hollywood boyfriend, I think I can pick whatever damn team I want (Neal Patrick Harris … call me)—apparently Renner was in a horrible bar fight in Thailand a couple nights ago.

Initial reports claimed that Renner had been injured in the brawl, and I instantly pictured a scene out of one of his action movies. Someone says something, Renner throws a punch, and suddenly there's an explosion of testosterone and maybe Ben Affleck appears out of nowhere and he and Renner rob a bank.

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The reality is that Renner's totally fine. His buddy, however, was stabbed repeatedly in the stomach and sustained a near-fatal axe wound. An axe wound to the neck.

*Vigorously erases "Get in bar fight in Thailand" off life list.*

It's unclear what exactly went down, but we do know that Renner was in the area because he's working on the new Bourne movie in Manila. (Side note: ugh, another Bourne installment? Can someone please film this one without the seizure-inducing camera movement? I never hated the handheld technique until I saw this franchise.)

Apparently Renner was in a party of six, including the general manager of a Sri Panwa Resort, Vorasit Issara, and they were hanging out in the Rachada Pub in Phuket, Thailand. Something happened around 4:30 AM (one report says Issara dropped a glass on the floor of the pub) ( *Adds to life list, "Do NOT drop beverage receptacle when visiting Thailand"*) that quickly escalated from a verbal altercation to six bar employees rushing Renner's group.

One of the pub's staffers was wielding a homemade axe made from a motorcycle brake rotor, and others carried a variety of clubs and knives. Perhaps not surprisingly, Renner didn't stick around to practice his Hollywood fighting skills on the group, because he apparently took off once the scene got out of control.

His publicist said in a statement,

Jeremy Renner was indeed in a bar in Phuket Thailand as a vicious attack on a patron took place but was not injured or involved. He exited as the fight took place.

I have to admit I'm a tiny bit disappointed Renner didn't flip into beast mode and karate-chop these bad guys into submission, but 1) it's probably ridiculous to think of him as a highly-trained operative with deadly hand-to-hand fighting skills just because I recently saw him as such in Mission Impossible, and 2) dude, HOMEMADE AXE. Yeah, getting the hell out of there was surely the smartest thing to do.

Especially when you consider what happened to that resort manager he was with. Vorasit Issara is currently hospitalized with serious stomach wounds and partially severed neck tendons. Holy shit.

I'm glad to hear Jeremy Renner is okay, because fake boyfriend stuff aside, I think he's a fantastically talented actor and I love him in everything I see, and I sure hope all the injured parties make a full recovery. Lesson learned: real life is far more dangerous than the movies, even when you're an action-flick tough guy.

Image via MissionImpossible.com

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