A Kardashian Magazine Is Just What We’ve Been Missing

kim kardashianI've felt that something has been missing from this world for a while, and I've just now figured out what it was. Rumor has it that the Kardashians are in talks with magazine publishers American Media Inc. to put out their own glossy. Apparently, the sisters K don't feel like their plate is full enough with Dash, the reality shows, the Sears deal, the nail polish collections, the perfume anthology, their books, their blogs, their boys, and their lives.

The magazine might be something of a fanzine -- a place for the Kardashians to spin their own stories with their own angles. I suppose if other rags like Us Weekly and the ilk make money off the Kardashian family, maybe it's not such a bad idea for them to get in on the game and start profiting from the demand for gossip. But, honestly, who the hell is going to buy the Kardashian magazine?


Everyone knows that print media is dead anyway, so I'm not quite sure who the audience will be. They'd have to make the magazine more than just photos of Kim and ads for Quik Trim; I'd definitely want to see some original columns from the Kardashian inner circle.

Like Khloe, for example, could write a column about what it's like being the favorite sister. And Kourtney could write something about what it's like having a douche bag father your children. And then Scott could counter with something about how he's not a douche, he's just misunderstood. Then he could list his 10 must-have mancessories for fall.

Maybe Brody Jenner could get some air time in the mag -- he could write about how hard he's worked at distancing himself from the K clan and something about that time he and Kim hooked up in Vegas. Because you know they've totally boned then woken up and been like, wait, we're not related, right?

Most of all, though, I'd like to see a column from Mason. He could pen something in calligraphy about how difficult it is being the smartest and the best-looking member of the family. And if he wanted to talk about the time he came shooting out of Kourtney's vagina into the cold, dead hands of Kris Jenner who promptly put some stage makeup on him and held him up, Lion King style, to the paparazzi, that'd be cool, too.

So far there's been no confirmation that the Kardashian rag is actually happening, but sources say that it'll be on newsstands in the spring. Oh, joy.

Would you read the Kardashian magazine? Why?


Photo via Mark Metcalfe/Getty

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