Justin Bieber Sells Santa Even Though He’s Never Believed in Him

Horrible news, Justin Bieber fans. In fact, you may want to be sitting down for this one. Are your smelling salts handy? Do you have a dainty kerchief with which to fan your heaving décolletage? Okay, then, I'm just going to say it real fast so it's like ripping off a bandaid: Justin Bieber has NEVER been a True Belieber.

In Santa Claus, that is.

That's right, even as a small child Bieber was given a philosophical lump of coal in his holiday stocking, having been told there is no Santa Claus. Apparently his mother didn't adhere to the Yes, Virginia point of view ("Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no JUSTIN BIEBERS").

To each their own, of course, but I can't help thinking that it's a bit ironic that Bieber is currently tearing up the charts singing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town."


Bieber did an interview with AOL Music to promote his Christmas album "Under the Mistletoe," and he had an interesting response to the (faintly ridiculous) question of whether or not he still believed in Santa:

My mom always told me there wasn't a Santa. This was her logic: She thought if I grew up knowing about Santa then finding out he wasn't real, that it would be like she was lying to me. And then when she told me about God, I maybe wouldn't believe her. So she just wanted to be straight-up and honest with me all the time.

Yeah, I can see that. It's like the time my preschooler asked me why dinosaurs were real but dragons weren't and I was like OH SHIT 404 FILE NOT FOUND.

But anyway, back to that Santa Claus song. Just yesterday afternoon while my kids and I were waiting for our movie to start, I was subjected to an entire music video of Bieber telling me to get ready for Santa. The Biebs said I should let my troubles go! That I should "shake it, shake it, baby!" Because Santa Claus was, in fact, coming to town! And now I find that the entire four-minute song that played before the 1:45 PM matinee of Arthur Christmas was a dirty LIE?

Well. All I can say is that I'm deeply disappointed in Mr. Bieber. Not only in the confusing message he's sending to young fans ("Santa is coming! Except if you believe in him you can't believe in God!"), but in the disturbing faces he continually makes in this video:

Why so pained, Bieber? Is it maybe because you're tortured by the knowledge that there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart? And without belief in Santa there would be no childlike faith, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence?

Or maybe you're just sad about the weird steampunk harem pants they put you in for this video.

Are you surprised to hear that Bieber never beliebed in Santa Claus?

Image via JustinBieberMusic.com

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