9 Reasons Why 'New Year's Eve' Is the Next 'Love Actually'

new years eveFolks, I think we have a bomb on our hands. A big holiday bomb bursting with overpaid A-list actors and cheesy movie cliches. I'm talking about the movie New Year's Eve. It's another one of those horrible holiday ensemble movies.

Remember Love Actually? That movie sucked. Oh I watched it all the way through anyway -- twice. (I'm a glutton for punishment.) But it had too many plot lines and it all got tied together too neatly. This one's going to suck, too, I can already tell. Here are 9 reasons why I know I'll hate New Year's Eve.

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  1. Michelle Pfeiffer plays a socially awkward nerd. REALLY??? She's in her 50s! She would have figured out she's gorgeous by now.
  2. And then she flies over the city on wires just like Peter Pan. From what I hear, this is the best part of the movie. Sigh.
  3. Robert De Niro on his death bed not playing a gangster.
  4. Sofia Vergara plays a stereotypical Latina HOT! HOT! HOT! horny bombshell who keeps bouncing up and down. On behalf of all non-stereotypical Latinas, puke.
  5. Ashton Kutcher is in it. Aren't we all pretty mad at him right now? Worse, he wears flannel jammies and says, "New Year's is for amateurs." What does that even mean? Grrr, hate him.
  6. On the other hand, I love Jon Bon Jovi but not as an actor. And not opposite Katherine Heigl, who plays an angry chef who probably doesn't even like food.
  7. One couple gets stuck in an elevator. Rom-com high jinx ensue.
  8. Two couples compete to see who will have their baby first. Rom-com high jinx ensue.
  9. Time Magazine calls it a "Whitman's Sampler for the masses." And as one of the masses, I'm insulted.

Do you think New Year's Eve looks good or does it look like a stinker to you?

 

Image via New Year's Eve/Warner Bros.

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