Madonna's Super Bowl Halftime Show Can’t Be Saved by Cirque du Soleil

Boy, if there's one thing that's consistently true about the Super Bowl, they sure have a fresh, creative approach when it comes to booking the halftime show acts. Every year brings another unexpected performer who really connects with the audience in a unique and meaningful—HA HA HAAAAA oh god I can't even keep this up. Anyway, the headliner of the 2012 Super Bowl halftime act has just been announced, and it's Madonna.

*Weak, scattered applause*

Obviously Madonna is still a huge star and all, but after two years in a row of the halftime show sucking balls (The Who, Black Eyed Peas), I'd think someone would have suggested a surefire winner—like, I don't know, Justin Bieber or Lady Gaga or something. Not only is Madonna sort of past her prime, musically speaking, but it sounds like her appearance is mostly a marketing vehicle for her new movie, W.E.

A Madonna halftime show advertising a Madonna movie? Might as well just plan your lengthy bathroom visit now, folks.


The good news is that she will reportedly work with Cirque du Soleil and artists from Moment Factory on a concept for the gig, so I'm sure at least some of it will be visually stunning. But before you get too excited about the idea of cavorting acrobats and crazy media installations, note that W.E., her directorial debut, also arrives in theaters Februry 3—two days before the big game.

Well, I'm sure she can pull off a seamless tie-in, since the movie will be totally appealing to sports fans, right? After all, it's about a lonely New Yorker who is obsessed with King Edward VIII's abdication of the British throne for the woman he loved, American divorcee Wallis Simpson, and after several visits to the Sotheby's auction of the Windsor Estate ... uh, okay, never mind.

Never mind the plot, it's probably pulled in a ton of great reviews! Let's see what The Guardian has to say:

What an extraordinarily silly, preening, fatally mishandled film this is. It may even surpass 2008's Filth and Wisdom, Madonna's calamitous first outing as a filmmaker. Her direction is so all over the shop that it barely qualifies as direction at all.

Oh dear.

At least Harvey Weinstein has defended the film, with a comment that I'm sure is totally unbiased considering his company produced it:

If Madonna were "Joe Smith" she would be heralded as a great new filmmaker, but her reputation precedes her.

"Thanks Harvey," Madonna reportedly responded. "But I would never want to be Joe Smith." Aw, she's so endearing and relatable and just really the perfect choice for an iconic American sports event.

A new Madonna single titled "Give Me All Your Love" featuring guests Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. will be released in February, so we may hear that during the show—but I'm betting she'll perform at least some of "Masterpiece," which she recorded for the W.E. soundtrack (it reportedly plays over the end credits). It's actually a very pretty song, judging by this leaked version, so maybe the halftime performance will be totally amazing and renew her career and send her movie straight to the Oscar list.

Then again, maybe she's going to engineer a nip slip and tongue-kiss Selena Gomez on stage. YOU NEVER KNOW!

What do you think about Madonna performing at the Super Bowl halftime show? Will you be watching?

Image via Flickr/edvanwest

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