Oprah Starts New Show So You Don't Forget Her

oprah winfreyHey everybody, OPRAH IS BAAAAAAAAAACK WITH A NEW SHOW! She is returning with Oprah's Next Chapter, a show in which Her O-Ness travels around the globe to interview some of the world's most fascinating people.

First up, a two-hour premiere with Steven Tyler on New Year's Day! Then, slumber party with Paula Deen! What will the midnight snacks be, I wonder? Then a trip to Haiti with Sean Penn.

And why is Oprah doing this? Because Oprah missed you. Did you know that? She did, she really, really missed you. Oh sure, she has her own network now (OWN, get it???) and there's Oprah Lifeclass, but that ends after eight weeks and then what? A void in Oprah's life, that's what!

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Let's fill that void, people! I think maybe Oprah got lonely. Or maybe it's that Oprah doesn't know if Oprah really exists if Oprah is not on television. I mean, it's like if an Oprah tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound -- even if the forest is named after her?

I hope you're all planning to tune in because Oprah needs some attention! Are you watching? Do you not see how hard she is working to remain the light of your life at all times? She is running around the whole dang world! What's it going to take to make you watch -- more My Favorite Things giveaways? Hasn't she given you enough?!?

Oh Oprah, I'm just teasing. You know I love you. Yes, I will watch your show. You know I will. Here's what's in store, fellow Oprah enablers. 

I sat at the dinner table with a Hasidic Jewish family and tried to explain to the children who have never seen a television what TV is ... can you imagine? I fire-walked with Tony Robbins -- never pictured myself doing that! I celebrated the power of God and community with Joel Osteen and I'm planning a trip with Deepak Chopra to India where I've never been.

What else? Will Oprah take Tom Cruise on a global tour of couch-jumping? Will we find out how North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il stays so slim? Easter-egg hunting with Gwyneth Paltrow in her palatial three-lot backyard in London? Will she visit an ashram with Brett Ratner? Can we haz live, bedside access to Beyonce's delivery? I have lots of ideas, Oprah. Hit me up.

Are you excited about Oprah's New Chapter or have you had enough already?

 

Image via Splash News

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