Top Picks for Oscar Host Now That Eddie Murphy’s Out

Let's see if I've got all this straight: first Brett Ratner publicly used an obnoxious gay slur, then amidst the controversy over said gay slur, Ratner resigned from his Oscar producing duties, and then one day later Eddie Murphy dropped out as Oscar host, presumably because he couldn't bear to be apart from his boyfriend Brett.

Sorry, did I say boyfriend? I meant creative partner. Gosh, as a storyteller, I really should have been much more thoughtful about the power of language and my choice of words.

Anyway, it seems like the race is on to fill these key roles on the Oscars telecast, and while Brian Grazer has been tapped for producing duties, a host is still needed. Thankfully, I am here to address this casting challenge! Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, look no further than this amazingly helpful list of Oscar host possibilities:



Ricky Gervais. He says he'll be in town for the Globes anyway, so hey. Twofer.

Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy. I would watch this so hard.

Neil Patrick Harris. You can't really go wrong with this choice. Plus, as ABC put it, "As an openly gay celebrity, Harris could cleanse the Academy of the Ratner stain."

George Clooney. Another bulletproof option. Also we could be spared the creepy way the cameras always focus on Clooney in the audience next to whoever he's dating.

No one at all. Hey, how about putting the focus back on the nominees? You'd still have the glitzy presenters and maybe even some of those craptastic musical numbers.

Hosts I definitely don't want to see:

Billy Crystal. Just ... ugh. No.

The Muppets. Cute idea, but I fear the execution.

Oprah. "You get an Oscar! And you get an Oscar! EVERYONE GETS AN OSCAR!" No.

Whoopi Goldberg. Has anyone noticed that she has no eyebrows? Also: is really annoying.

I also asked friends on Twitter for their best/most deranged ideas for a host, and folks did not fail to deliver the goods:

@madebymoxie: Mike Tyson as Herman Cain.

@Run4donuts: Any of the zombies from #TheWalkingDead. Especially the one from the well (pre- or post-split would work).

@em_in_pieces: The good: Tina Fey & Amy Pohler. The bad: Carrot Top & Jeff Dunham.

@spcase: Best: NPH. Deranged: Abe Vigoda.

@mollymp: Charlie Sheen. Only he has to be high.

@omarg: Best pick: Amy Sedaris / Stephen Colbert. Most deranged: Ashton Kutcher + Lars von Trier.

Who would you like to see as the next Oscar host?

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