Justin Bieber Should Fire Manager for Outing His Puberty Secrets

Justin Bieber Billboard coverIf I were Justin Bieber, I would be pretty peeved at my manager right now ... if I hadn't just died red-faced on the floor of utter embarrassment at what he said in Billboard magazine about me. In case you need a refresher, Scooter Braun is Bieber's uber-cool manager who discovered him on YouTube and is barely older than Biebs himself. He talks to the press exactly like you'd expect a 28-year-old musical agent extraordinaire would talk -- like, hip. Like he's talking to his dudes, dude. But what he told the magazine recently about a 17-year-old boy's private parts is positively cringeifying for us as his adoring public as much as it must be for Bieber himself.

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Talking about Bieber's fifth album, a Christmas one, which will be released next week, Braun explained that Bieber's voice will sound a little different, a little more mature, because his vocal chords have finally matured and his voice is lower. Why oh why couldn't he have just said it that way and not like this:

Vocally, his balls have dropped.

Thanks, Braun, for that nice and colorful visual. I'm sorry, but now every time I heard Bieber sing "All I Want for Christmas Is You" with Mariah Carey on the radio, all I'm going to think about is testicles because that's how people make associations with things. Or at least how I do. And please please please trust me when I say I really really really don't want to.

For us women, this is akin to our mom announcing to our family and relatives over Christmas dinner -- or Twitter -- that our teenage self just got our period and isn't that wonderful! -- only it's about 12,345,213 times worse. I wonder what all his little tweenie-boppers are going to think when they read that comment, because you know they are going out to add this magazine to their collection. I'm sure some of them will even be puzzled by this saying and ask their parents, "Daddy, what does that mean about his balls?" which begins a whole awkward father-daughter conversation.

If anything good has come out of this for me, it's that this time I promise not to continue tormenting my 8-year-old son by planting a big sloppy one on him in front of his friends at school before telling him, "Sorry, honey,  I forgot again!" as he wriggles away from me in horror. I needed this little reminder about what it used to feel like, even if I was letting him off pretty easy.

Did you find Scooter Braun's comment a little skeevy or just whatevs ...?

 

Image via Billboard

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