Michael Lohan Needs a Kate Major Intervention

In today's celebrity news, Michael Lohan has been arrested for ... uh, hold on a minute. Wasn't I just writing about how Michael Lohan got arrested? Oh man, how embarrassing, I can't believe I was about to report on the same news twi—

No, wait, it appears that this is a second arrest. Yes, two days after he was arrested for a domestic dispute with his on-again, off-again girlfriend Kate Major, Michael Lohan has been arrested again. For violating his restraining order and attempting to resist arrest. By leaping off a third-floor balcony. Into a TREE.

Wow. Lohan's ongoing craziness almost makes his daughter Lindsay's full frontal Playboy shoot boring in comparison.


Michael Lohan was reportedly out of jail for just 12 hours before he called Kate Major, despite a judge having warned him: "If you even dream about (contacting her) and you violate my order, you will go to jail." Unfortunately for Lohan, police happened to be interviewing her at her home, and she promptly put him on speakerphone. Since the phone call was a direct violation of his restraining order, cops then headed over to Lohan's Tampa hotel, at which point he reportedly tried to escape by JUMPING OFF HIS BALCONY INTO A TREE.

This is the same guy, mind you, who attempted to escape a hospital earlier this week after faking chest pains. Worst superhero ever.

It appears Lohan's gymnastics skills could use some work, because he failed to stick the landing. After complaining of a possible broken foot, he was once again taken to the hospital, where he was presumably restrained in some way while being arrested on charges of violating the restraining order, resisting arrest without violence, and contempt of court.

Obviously there is some profoundly dysfunctional stuff going on between Lohan and Major. Apparently after his second arrest, he told a film crew:

She keeps doing this ... She needs help, she calls me and I'm the sucker. I called back, and I'm an idiot.

Except police say they checked his phone records, and there were no incoming calls from Major.

Meanwhile, Kate Major issued a public statement to TMZ:

I am sick of being lied about by Michael Lohan Sr.'s false allegations about his continual physical and mental abuse toward me. Obviously the judge was correct when questioning if he could 'read.' He has no regard for the justice system. He can beat up women but Mr. tough guy who slurred his words calling me 5 times after getting out of jail wasn't too tough by jumping off a 3rd floor balcony into a tree to try to flee from going back to the same jail he just got released from less than 12 hours ago. Maybe they have phonics books in jail!

If you ask me, both of these people need ... man, I don't even KNOW what they need. I mean, clearly Lohan is just plain nuts, but onetime Jon Gosselin groupie and former tabloid reporter Kate Major doesn't exactly seem like the most stable straitjacket in the asylum either. Maybe they should go back on Celebrity Rehab together—just look how normal and healthy they were back then:

Or ... not.

What do you think could help Michael Lohan and Kate Major end the creepy cycle they're stuck in?

Image via VH1

Read More >