Let's Pay Jessica Simpson Nothing & Keep Calling Her Fat

jessica simpsonLately, every time we see Jessica Simpson, she looks ... more voluptuous. And she looks like she's hiding something, what with her strategically placed bags and big, cozy sweaters. Which makes me -- and the rest of the free world -- think/know, "She can deny it until she's blue in the face, but that woman is pregnant!"

So, see, when she finally does make her announcement -- which is going to have to be sooner or later -- it's not even going to be that exciting. Because we already know. Plus, Beyonce's preggers.

Jessica's money-whore dad, Joe, begs to differ, though. He thinks the world is simply waiting with bated breath for his lovely daughter to formally bestow this knowledge upon the universe. Which is why he's holding out for $500,000 for her to do so.

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It's sad and it speaks volumes about my vocabulary, but the first word that came to mind upon hearing this was: Vomit. Screw him for turning the pregnancy/unborn child of his daughter, who's already crazy loaded, into a business. Does he really think that two words -- "I'm pregnant" -- are worth half a million dollars? If so, he's nuts. I love me some Jessica, but this isn't the Newlyweds days anymore.

Apparently, for the past few weeks, Joe has been shopping the news around to various "celebrity weeklies." Does he not realize that everybody knows already? It's pretty much been confirmed already by every blog in the blogosphere. Get with it, dude. You're asking for way too much.

And, look, I get that celebrity babies are serious money makers these days, but it's a little gross that the Simpsons are looking to cash in already. I mean, if the child isn't even born yet and this is how they're behaving, imagine what they'll do to the poor thing once he or she is born.

I really hope that Joe's wishes aren't fulfilled and he doesn't get half a mill for this announcement. At least wait for the first photo of the baby, for God's sake. And then donate the money to charity, like Brad and Angelina.

Do you think it's a little gross that the Simpsons are asking for $500,000 for the announcement?

 

Image via jvh33/Flickr

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