I See Lindsay Lohan's Crappy Yellow Teeth in My Mirror

Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan
Let me start by saying, this post really has NOTHING to do with Lindsay Lohan's decayed, yellow teeth.

That said, recently, the publicly troubled actress stepped out on the red carpet with big wide smile of pearly, uh, yellows, and sure, we gasped! How could we not? It was shocking and strange for the lovely LiLo look this way, especially on the red carpet. Is she okay? Has she fallen off the wagon? Is she too broke for teeth whitener or, worse, dental insurance?

Well, when People asked her rep about Lohan's dismal smile, he belittled popular interest, saying, "With everything going on -- from deteriorating public education to rampant homelessness to international unrest -- there is no way I'm going to comment on Lindsay's teeth."

Ooooh, BURN!!! We're feeling pretty small now. Of course, what's kinda funny is that our obsession with Lindsay Lohan's teeth pretty much has nothing to do with Lindsay Lohan.


Whether celebrities like it or not, they are very public people with very public lives, and most of us can't help but look. Many of us go much further and analyze the things they do (hey man, at least I can say it's my job, right? what's your excuse?). Celebrity chatter can also make for good fun over a casual dinner with our lady friends, but I think the obsession is much bigger than that. And way more selfish too.

Simply put, we look at the lives of celebrities to figure out who we are and what's important to us. We can't put our friends and neighbors under a microscope, but we can pull up anything and everything in the lives of celebrities with a click of a button on the web. If we're interested in certain celebrities, it's probably for a reason -- because we want what they have, or the total opposite, because we want to avoid becoming like them, or even worse because we see ourselves in them.

So why is Lindsay Lohan in particular on my list of celebrities to follow? Well, for one, she's an addict and so am I. I've been sober for a decade, and I count my lucky stars every day that I never had to hit my rock bottom before a ravenous audience of people who are dying to pick me apart. I mean how awful. And now awful to get past. In fact, how completely debilitating and horrifying. See? Right now I am looking at my own worst fears through Lindsay's falling-down-in-bars stories. Sad but true.

Am I overly concerned about Lindsay's dental health really? No. Sadly I'm not losing a wink of sleep over them. I can pretend I am or say I really "care" about Lohan, but that's not really the truth. Don't get me wrong. I wish her well. I hope she can overcome her struggles. But the real truth is I am watching and waiting to see how her life pans out in some shameless but perfectly human way, in order to crack open a locked door inside me that's guarded by fear.

What if I hadn't gotten sober 10 years ago? Is this what my life would look like? And is there a chance it could still take a turn, that my addiction could regain its grip on me, turn my life into that totally sad life that I imagine when I click my mouse across the pages of the internet?

Why do read about celebrities?


Image via Valerie Macon/Getty

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