5 Birthday Gifts Gwyneth Paltrow Needs to FINALLY Achieve Perfection

gwyneth paltrowHappy Birthday, Gwyneth Paltrow! It was 39 years ago today that the gods of all things good and Goopy gave unto us the gift of Gwynnie. And like me, you're probably going absolutely nuts wondering what on earth to get the girl who has it all. Like, literally. Is there anything she doesn't have? I really doubt it.

Well, friends, wonder no more! After much exhaustive research, I do believe I've compiled a list of 5 birthday gifts Ms. Paltrow would be absolutely delighted to receive -- and they can all help her on her much-publicized personal quest for perfection, too!

  1. A time machine for travelling back to the night of the Emmys for the purpose of choosing a different dress (I actually didn't mind her ensemble, personally, but everybody else hated it). Gwyneth so rarely commits a fashion faux pas -- why not just remove that little two-piece blip from her otherwise spotless record?
  2. The Chin-Eliminator App. No more shall Gwyneth be haunted by the multiple chins which seem to show up only on film (or in her imagination). The Chin-Eliminator App automatically removes excess chins from photos, before anyone even notices them.
  3. An "I Heart My Fishmonger" Apron. (I'm sorry, Gwyneth, but we will never let you live that one down. Do you understand? Never!!!)
  4. A permanent role on Glee. Come on, she needs it, the show needs it. Win-win.
  5. A new hobby. Because you know? That girl clearly does not have enough going on in her life. She needs to branch out, expand her horizons beyond the whole actress/singer/cookbook author/lifestyle guru/website founder thing. What a slacker.

What would you get Gwyneth for her birthday?


Image via Richard Yaussi/Flickr

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