How to Date Ryan Gosling in One Easy Step

ryan gosling & eva mendes
Ryan Gosling & co-star Eva Mendes
I've figured out how to become Ryan Gosling's next ex-girlfriend. I've thought long and hard about sharing this never-fail formula with you, but you know what? I'm feeling magnanimous today, and a bit woozy from all the advanced math I did late into last night, so what the hell. Here goes. OK. So we all know that Ryan Gosling was spotted being all lovey-dovey with Eva Mendes in Disneyland over the weekend, but instead of not leaving our beds and showing up to work in ice cream-stained sweatpants as we mourn the loss of our favorite star's singledom, let's turn this negative into a positive.

Using my mad math skillz, I've devised a beautifully elegant mathematical proof that, when utilized correctly, can land the right woman in the arms of one Ryan Gosling.


OK. Assuming we're saying that "if p, then q," we can solve for "if not p, then not q" using a basic contrapositive statement. So if we're proposing that "x" is even, we can find that "x" is odd. For example, if "x" is odd, then x = 2k + 1 for an integer k.

x² = (2k + 1)² = 4k² + 4k + 1 = 2(2k² + 2k) + 1, where (2k² + 2k) is integer.

Right? OK, now that we're caught up with our math, let's apply it to our Ryan Gosling situation. My proposition is that Ryan Gosling (x) has a thing for dating his co-stars (x²). That if they're in a movie together, they will be together.

Co-stars = (2k + 1) = Sandra Bullock x (Cougar) + Michelle Williams x (Matilda) + Rachel McAdams² x (Canadians) = Emma Stone x (Fro Yo) + Eva Mendes x (Disneyland) = Co-stars(Ryan Gosling + Co-stars) + 1 = Ryan Gosling + Co-Stars = Love x Sex = Dating²

Yep! He dated Sandra Bullock after they starred in Murder by Numbers together, then Rachel McAdams after The Notebook, then Michelle Williams after Blue Valentine, (possibly) Emma Stone from Crazy Stupid Love (they got fro yo together ... ), and now Eva Mendez, the co-star of his yet-to-be-released film, The Place Beyond the Pines.

So if we want to date Gosling, all we have to do is star in a movie with him! The Gangster Squad is going to be released in 2013 and stars Emma Stone, and Only God Forgives is in pre-production and stars Taiwanese actress Yayaying ... from our fool-proof high-tech math formula, we can deduce that he'll be dating Emma next, then Yayaying.

So all we gotta do is take some acting classes, and possibly some math classes, land ourselves in a hot Hollywood movie, and boom! Our p will be his q.

You're welcome!

Photo via Splash News

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