Rihanna Sex Tape Is a Lame Publicity Stunt

It seems like a quaint, innocent world we once lived in, when news of celebrity sex tapes was capable of causing an international scandal, and stars whose personal body parts were exposed while exiting limos were a rare phenomenon worthy of horrified discussion. Now, of course, everyone from the A-Z list has a sex tape, and half of Hollywood has been photographed with their labia hanging out.

Which is to say, the latest rumor that Rihanna made a sex tape with rapper J.Cole is about as shocking as hearing that Lindsay Lohan managed to avoid another jail sentence.

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The supposed on-camera-lovebirds are refuting the tape's existence, with Cole posting a brief rhyming denial to his fans ("Gossip Gossip, n***a just stop it."), and Rihanna tweeting the following:


I'd chalk this up to rumor too, if the tape was being shopped around by an ex-boyfriend or being teased by legendary porn bottom feeders Vivid Entertainment. ("Porn Bottom Feeders," by the way, is totally the name of my new band.)

However, it's Hustler that claims to have the footage, and while I'm not saying this is like The New York Times reporting on the existence of a sex tape, the fact that it's a large adult entertainment company with lots of money sort of lends some credibility to the story. I mean, Hustler may be lowbrow—but they can be sued.

Here's what the company is saying about the tape:

Hustler [is] in possession of the Rihanna and J. Cole tape. We have seen it and we do not know what we are going to do with it yet.

So maybe Hustler's lying in order to attract more attention to their various smut-wares, or maybe Rihanna's lying because she's hoping to squash the tape before its release, or maybe there's a girl in a tape wearing a red wig and Hustler is a bunch of easily-fooled dumbasses, or WHO KNOWS. Who CARES, right?

The only thing that's potentially interesting about this whole thing is if it turns out there is a tape of Rihanna, it's unlikely that it was captured, you know, in the heat of the moment. It seems to me that if you're a celebrity, there's only one reason to make a sex tape these days: publicity. So did Rihanna have sex on camera in order to cement her persona as a sexual, desirous woman, and ultimately further her career? Only time—and Hustler—will tell, I guess.

What's your call on the Rihanna sex tape rumor? Total BS, or totally possible?


Image via Flickr/avrillla

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