Talk Alexander Skarsgard Into a Threesome With This Secret Weapon

alexander skarsgardTalk about life imitating art! Just one night after Sunday's polyamorous-friendly episode of True Blood, Alexander Skarsgard was spotted at a New York City bar snuggling up to not one hot lady friend, but two! A blonde and a brunette. Hey, diversity is important in a threesome.

I would expect nothing less of Skarsgard. As an open-minded, adventurous vampire man, he would never restrict himself to one type of conquest. One flavor of fun.

Although Skarsgard's companions for the evening did have one thing in common (with both each other AND Skarsgard): They were both Swedish.

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I knew Skarsgard was proud of his Swedish roots -- I mean, he did serve in the Swedish military and all -- but I didn't realize his homeland played so significantly into his romantic endeavors.

Now that I know, however, it's clear that those of us not born in Sweden have some serious homework to do if we want a chance at replacing Kate Bosworth.

I'm a generous gal, so I'm going to share a few tips with you on How to Snare a Swede. Be advised, however, that I'm a brunette. So if you are also a brunette, you have to stop reading now. As we established earlier, Alexander prefers to have a dark-haired girl on one arm and a fair-haired girl on the other.

Okay, did all the brunettes leave the room? Here they are:

5 Tips for Pretending to Be Swedish if You Ever See Alexander Skarsgard at a NYC Bar

  1. You're dying to ask him to bite you, admit it! Go ahead and make the request in his native tongue: Bita Mig.
  2. Mention how impressed you are by his involvement in the "It Gets Better" campaign promoting sexual tolerance. Then add, "Can you believe this city finally legalized gay marriage? We legalized it back home on May 1, 2009. But we Swedes have always been sexually progressive."
  3. Swedes are known for their punctuality. To be late is considered very rude. Pretend that you're waiting for a tardy friend -- check the time repeatedly, tap your foot. When he notices, shrug your shoulders and say, "I will never understand why Americans are always late."
  4. Be sure to execute Tips 1 to 3 in a flawless Swedish accent. Can't remember what one sounds like? Just do your best impression of the Swedish Chef from The Muppet Show and you'll be fine.
  5. It's best to think of an authentic Swedish last name ASAP, like right now. But if you have to come up with a surname on the spot, just think of the last piece of furniture you bought at IKEA and name yourself after that.

What would you do if you saw Alexander Skarsgard in real life?


Image via David Shankbone/Flickr

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