Reese Witherspoon's Tattoo Is a Message to Tabloids

Ah, very clever, Us Weekly, starting out the title of this article with "Reese Witherspoon Flaunts Huge New Belly." Poor Reese can't catch a break from the pregnancy rumors lately, with paparazzi chasing her as she exits medical buildings ("The same building holds the office for a gynecologist!" shrieked X17online.com, presumably while wetting their pants) and her every shirt-billow examined under a microscope for any signs of a burgeoning celebrity offspring.

Of course, if you go on to read the rest of the Us article, it turns out that the "huge belly" she's flaunting is actually a belly tattoo. A tattoo, by the way, which isn't exactly what I'd call huge at all, unless "three inches or so" has suddenly become the new "enormously inhumanly gargantuan OMG how many thousands of hours did that thing TAKE?"

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If you ask me, Reese had the right idea with deliberately exposing her skin art—and thus drawing attention to her most decidedly NON-pregnant belly—while strolling around in a bikini. Rumors? DEBUNKED.

I realize no celebrity should feel pressured to comment on the constant scrutiny over their reproductive organs, but for those who must endure a seemingly nonstop number of articles claiming that their foodbaby is actually a fetusbaby, Reese's clever reveal is a simple yet effective way to shut the media speculation down.


For instance, for whatever reason, Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas is constantly rumored to be pregnant. So all she really has to do in order to avoid these articles is be photographed eating a giant slab of raw, mercury-laden fish. Or possibly a runny, unpasteurized cheese. She could take up smoking or, better yet, carry a bottle of tequila with her everywhere she goes.


I'm just saying, you never assume Lindsay Lohan is pregnant, right? Because she's a nonstop trainwreck who looks like she pours milk in an ashtray every morning for breakfast. Sure, having your reputation go to hell might be bad for your career, but at least you won't be on the cover of OK! magazine with the trumpeting text that you're "FINALLY EXPECTING!"


Jennifer Aniston's another one who, according to the tabloids, should have given birth about 57 times by now. Hey, Jen: try nibbling on lead paint chips the next time a photographer gets all up in your face! Low-cal AND baby-unfriendly. Or if you really want to put the rumors to rest, perhaps a visible, high-dose amount of uranium to show that you have no troubles whatsoever with its reproductive tissue damage and fetotoxic properties?


Or ... maybe just be photographed "flaunting" your "huge belly ... abs" in a bikini.


Do you think Reese Witherspoon revealing her tattoo was a way to stop the pregnancy talk? Or do you think she was just trying to enjoy a walk on the beach when photographers descended?



Image via Flickr/evarinaldiphotography

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