'Jersey Shore' Italy: 10 Things That Better Happen

jersey shore italyIt's now only a matter of hours before Jersey Shore season 4 premieres and I've already got on my Italy tracksuit and have gelled my hair into a mass resembling the leaning Tower of Pisa. Our best friends Snooki and The Situation are going to burn through our TV screens later tonight and bring back the laughter and happiness that they took from us when season 3 went off the air months ago and Io non vedo l'ora!

I don't know about you, but my expectations for this season are very high. Having lived in Florence for a semester (I think I got drunk just writing that sentence), I know just what kind of trouble the cast members can get themselves into. That said, here's a list of 10 things I hope to see this season as Snooki and co. take Firenze by Guido storm.

  1. The Piazza della Signoria is at the center of town, and where everyone goes to hang out and marvel at the Palazzo Vecchio. There's a replica of Michelangelo's David outside in the square. I would like an in-depth conversation to take place between Snooki and Deena about whether or not this is the real one; I'd like them to make comments about the size of David's package, about bird poop, and about how David won the battle versus Godzilla.
  2. Everyone's gotta tour the Duomo while in bella Firenze. I hope the Situation, Pauly D, Vinny, and Ronnie race each other up the 463 steps to the top of the Duomo's bell tower. I want it to be some sort of testosterone-fueled competition in which they push tourists and babies out of the way to try and get to the top first. I would like Vinny to quit halfway up, shrug at the camera, and walk back down, then get a gelato.
  3. The Baptistry is near the Duomo and was built in the 11th century. I'd like Sammi and Ronnie to misread the sign out front and remark, "Oh my god! This baptistry is dedicated to John the Rapist?? That is like, so not cool."
  4. I feel like Snooki would be an impressive haggler. I want her to go to the Ponte Vecchio and negotiate for some overpriced silver jewelry that she will in turn lose, blame one of the guys for stealing it, then get drunk and cry about it.
  5. Taking a bottle of wine and some plastic cups to any of the gorgeous outdoor parks is a total must. I want The Situation to do this for a date, but forget the wine opener. Then I want him to try and open the bottle of wine without a corkscrew, which of course involves the bottle breaking all over the two of them, dousing them in red wine, glass, and embarrassment. (This never happened to me, swear.)
  6. Pretty sure I'm going to need the cast to get high and go to any one of the museums.
  7. They're then going to have to go the Hard Rock Cafe because, you know, they're sick of Italian food.
  8. Definitely hoping to see some p-dobs. Or public displays of barfing. JWoww maybe is a little hungover in the Boboli gardens and ralphs in a plant or two.
  9. Would love it if Snooki rammed her car into some cops and sends one or two men in uniform to the hospital. Oh, wait.
  10. Certainly would like to see and hear the Shore girls and boys butcher the eye-tal-yan language like the real pros that they are. If we're lucky, maybe Sammi will think that they're in France the whole time.

Are you going to watch this season?

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