Gwyneth Paltrow: Food Snob or Wannabe Crack Smoker?

gwyneth paltrowOh Gwyneth Paltrow, you silly fishmongering crack-smoking goop. You so crazy! In case you haven't heard Gwynnie's latest advice on how to live a fabulous, toxin-free existence, Her Paltrowness recently announced that she'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can. Well, duh. Who wouldn't?

Personally, I love that Gwyneth said she prefers crack to Cheez Whiz. Everybody's pointing to this latest comment as further proof of Paltrow's warped sense of reality, one where even mere commoners such as ourselves have access to kiddie couturiers and private macrobiotic chefs, but I disagree!


I think this shows that Gwyneth is more in touch with reality than ever before. As far as recreational drugs for working class folk go, crack definitely delivers more bang for your buck than Cheez Whiz. The amount of cheez-in-a-can one actually has to ingest to get a decent buzz is just totally impractical: There's nothing sadder than an easy-cheez addict at rock bottom, nearly buried in piles of empty cans. Crack is a much tidier habit -- one little pipe, that's all you need!

Plus, crack won't slowly turn your skin the color of a traffic cone. I know you've seen them on the streets, those jonesing cheez-its with their trembling day-glo hands, begging for spare change. At least with crack, you can hide the signs of your addiction and live a productive life ... apart from the maniacal twitching, spontaneous outbursts, and fits of rage, of course.

Don't you think Gwyneth Paltrow would make an excellent crackhead?


Image via WEBN-TV/Flickr

Read More >