Tea Leoni & David Duchovny Must Have an Awful Reason for Splitting

It seems like we haven't heard about an old-school Hollywood breakup in a while, so let's all be the first to issue some consoling murmurs and it'll-get-better back-pats to Téa Leoni and David Duchovny. After 14 years of marriage and two children together, their reps have confirmed that the couple has separated.

Well, these things happen, and I'm sure they have their reasons, and who knows how long this has been in the works, and it's really none of our business what went down in their private lives, and—

OH GOD I CAN'T HELP MYSELF. Exactly what kind of unholy wife-betraying crap did Duchovny DO?


I mean, it's just that this is the same marriage that survived a husband entering rehab for sex addiction in 2008. Remember that? Yes, Duchovny was the original poster child for the increasingly popular "I'm not a skeezebag cheater who can't keep my dick in my pants, I've got a disease" excuse.

Back then Duchovny and Leoni briefly separated while he checked himself into a facility in Arizona—amid rumors that Leoni was having an affair of her own with
Billy Bob Thornton—but they somehow managed to keep their marriage intact. A few months after he completed his treatment, the couple was back together and seemed to be working things out.

So, you know, it makes a person wonder what triggered the split this time. There's no way to know for sure, but I can't help thinking Duchovny must have relapsed in some spectacular, possibly illegal way. Did Leoni stumble across his secret stash of "Farm Fetish" goat porn? Arrive home early to find a house full of tranny hookers? Check the browser history only to discover 87 consecutive views of "2 Girls 1 Cup"? The mind BOGGLES.

Well, hopefully these two can also weather this storm together. Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? Except mayyyyyybe if it involves goat porn.

Are you surprised to hear about Téa Leoni and David Duchovny splitting up?

Image via YouTube

Read More >