Jennifer Aniston Tries Out Men for Renee Zellweger

renee zellwegerRenee Zellweger appears to have taken a(nother?) page out of the Jennifer Aniston handbook. She is reportedly dating John Mayer. Did you just vomit in your mouth a bit? It's okay if you did. We all did.

Before I launch into the general disdain I have for John Mayer (and his general sleaziness), I would like to point out what you all are thinking: What is up with Renee and Jennifer swapping dudes, and leading these bizarrely parallel lives? Frea-ky!

I mean, I sort of understand it, they both are hot Hollywood actresses in the same age bracket. But isn't it a scoosh odd that both have dated Bradley Cooper and now John Mayer? And they're friends! Let's discuss.


Here's my theory. Perhaps since both actresses are of a certain age and unmarried -- and that's totally okay, don't freak out, people -- and both have to endure a certain insane amount of media scrutiny about who they're dating and when, they just want to make sure the guy they're dating is "Renee/Jennifer approved." Like, they want to make sure their man is "cool enough" or "desirable enough" to make the public rounds with. IE, if he's good enough for Jennifer Aniston, he's good enough for me!

Not buying it? Okay, how about this? Renee Zellweger is pulling a Mildred "Patty" Baena and trying to be like Jennifer Aniston -- which, I guess if you're going to pick somebody ... I mean, didn't Jennifer technically date Bradley first? Even if it was for, like, two minutes. Sure, Renee had the longer relationship, but, with all due respect, Renee, Jennifer was numero uno to tap that. And everybody knows about Jennifer Aniston's weird relationship with John Mayer. Is there something you want to tell us, Renee?

Or it could just be a weird coincidence, but, I don't know, I'd be a little uncomfortable dating my friend's ex -- which both ladies are guilty of. Oh, you Hollywood actresses!

Now, on to John Mayer ... whyyyyyy, Renee? He's so ... John Mayer. Notorious Lothario, inveterate diarrhea mouth, overall cheeseball. Do you know hard it is to not be attracted to a dude with tattoos who's really good at playing guitar? Mayer makes it a cake walk.

Renee, whatever your reason for dating John -- be it Jen's stamp of approval or an actual attraction to him -- do yourself a favor and get out while you can. He's not worth your time. And if it's Jen's approval you're after, there's always Tate Donovan.

What do you think of Renee dating John?


Image via SPakhrin/Flickr

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