Virile Kevin Federline Scares Crap Out of Britney Spears

k fedsOops, Kevin Federline did it again. The dog days may be behind Britney Spears, but news that Kevin Federline's girlfriend, Victoria Prince, is pregnant with child and not Carl's Jr. has got to send Britney searching for her razor and her umbrella.

If you're keeping track at home, this is baby numero cinco for the fattified ex-dancer. He's got two with Shar Jackson, two with Ms. Britney Spears, and now one on the way with his latest flavor of the month.

If I'm Britney, I'm psyched I'm getting out of town on tour for three specific reasons. Not the least of which is the fact that K Feds is terrifying.


First of all, not only will the tour allow her to lure back her fans and earn back some star power (and maybe some of those abs of steel if she puts down the Cheetos long enough to take a breath), but it will allow her to escape from what's sure to be some serious baby mama drama.

Second of all, she's getting mad money to go on tour. Getting pay days like that has got to feel pretty darn good after a hard day of dancing, singing, and texting Jamie Lynn about what it's like to be a single mom. "OMG LOL soooooo hard, right??" But I think Britney, like me, understands that another freaking Federline baby means another freaking mouth to feed. Last time I checked, K Feds didn't have a job on Wall Street pulling in million-dollar bonuses with his financial wizardry. Pretty sure Fat Camp isn't a career, Hoss. You know Brit's going to be asked, or forced, or choose to offer money to Sean Preston and Jayden James' half-sibling. Good thing she's got work right now.

And finally, the tour will keep her safe from K Feds. I'm sorry, that man-child is frighteningly fertile. Poke him the wrong way and boom, you're pregnant. Look at him funny, and viola, his invisible sperm has jumped into your eye and made its way to your eggs. Congrats! You're having twins. The tour will keep Britney safe from any accidental impregnation. Amen.

If you're Britney in this scenario, what's going through your mind right now?

Photo via Hot Rod Homepage/Flickr

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