'American Idol' Recap: 10 Things About Last Night

American IdolThank goodness Hollywood Week is next week. These auditions are becoming insufferable. Last night's episode from L.A. was the worst we've seen yet. Just ... abysmal. American Idol must really be desperate for stories because some of those people were simply imbalanced. Thankfully I had an awesome rice and lamb dinner on my lap to keep me happy; otherwise watching this would've caused serious depression.

That said, there are 10 things about last night that I'd like to review with you. Some questions I want answered and some things I wanna get off my chest. Let's start with why Idol loves Justin Bieber.

  1. Idol is really basing a lot of their show strategy on the Biebs, with the online auditioning and the lowered age limit. Side note: I'm definitely going to see Never Say Never. The commercials have hooked me.
  2. Why did we waste 10 minutes on those bland emo lookalikes who can't sing? This is what I'm talking about -- totally desperate for stories.
  3. Twenty-two minutes into the hour-long episode and the most impressive thing I've seen so far is that old dude with the giant beer belly who can pop and lock.
  4. J. Lo. The headscarf. Idontevenknowwhattosaytothat? My Barbie couldn't even pull off that look. Neither can the Kardashians. (Looking at you, Khloe.)
  5. Karen Rodriguez of the MySpace auditioners. Holy runs. That is some control you've got over your voice. You're gonna do well.
  6. Tynisha "Ow!" Roches, WTF. The bangs? The eyebrows? Are you a man? I don't even have the time to entertain your antics with Randy.
  7. Best part of the night was when J. Lo rolled her eyes to Steven Tyler and Randy's reaction to the belly dancer. She was a terrible singer. It's here where I miss Simon the most. He wouldn't have let her through. 
  8. Matthew Scott Frankel is an overweight Michael Scott, but not funny. I don't want to hear him say the word 'climax' ever again. I have a feeling that Matt and his friend are definitely the delusional weirdos they document that stalk such teen idols as Tiffany and Sheila E. 
  9. Sigh, the J.Crew Gutierrez brothers. With their dueling pastel scarves and bouncy bangs, they kind of freaked me out. But I laughed every time when one would say something, then the other would say the exact same thing, only with a Spanish accent. Their affection for each other is ... unusual, but they are some of the best we've seen in L.A. OK, golden ticket, so be it.
  10. I have got to get an outfit just like the Human Tornado. Also maybe some of his drugs.

One more audition process to bear in San Francisco on Wednesday, then the real fun starts -- Thursday is Hollywood Week! I'm really psyched to see the tears, but I'm more excited to see Ryan Seacrest console the losers. He's so smooth. Oh Ryan. Lovies!

What did you think of American Idol last night?

Photo via americanidol.com

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