Kanye West Has Diamond Teeth, Which Apparently Fills Me With Irrational Rage

In a recent interview with Vanity Fair, Kanye West was asked about the twinkling bling adorning the bottom of his mouth:

Vanity Fair: "Why did you have permanent diamonds drilled into your bottom teeth?"

Kanye: "I just like diamond teeth and I didn’t feel like having to take them out all the time."

Dude was asked a serious question and he gave a serious answer, right? But MAN, do I ever feel like punching him right in his million-dollar grin.


I know there shouldn't be anything surprising about celebrity excess, especially coming from Kanye, who is cartoonishly over the top in his spoiled luxury-lifestyle (please enjoy one of his recent tweets: "I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle"), but damn. Diamond teeth, are you KIDDING me.

Maybe Kanye's teeth are just personally irritating for me because I endured every single orthodontic torture device known to mankind, including headgear, braces, and a special little something called a palatal spreading device that essentially cracked my skull apart to make space in my jacked-up food-hole, and the very idea of someone purposefully putting a bunch of weird crap in their mouth makes me CRAAAAZY.

Or maybe it's because I'm picturing what it's like to eat a meal while sitting across from him. Dude. Repulsive. Can you even imagine how much crap probably gets stuck in those pave choppers of his? What does he brush with, jewelry cleaner?

Or maybe it's because he could have bought, like, I don't know, a teacher's yearly salary with those stupid teeth. Or a library. OR PERHAPS A PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO TAKE CARE OF HIS BURDENSOME FREE WATER BOTTLE.

*pant, pant*

*Adjusts collar*

Anyway. According to this article over at MTV, the reason he went all Breakfast at Tiffany's in his face is because he's a brilliant sociologist who knows exactly how to get the attention he needs to maintain stardom. If so, well played, Mr. West. Well played.

(PS: I hope he gets vigorously and thoroughly anal-probed every single time his teeth set off airport security.)

Image via Twitter

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