The Day That Facebook Failed ... But Why?!

facebookBecause you're at work and you never, ever get on Facebook at work (wink, wink), the big news of the day is that Facebook is down and you've most likely saw this message or one similar if you've tried to sign on. Which you haven't. Because you're at work. Yes?

Also, tip for Facebook: Invest in a mascot. At least when Twitter fails, they give you the FAIL Whale image. His fat ass being lifted by tiny birds is much more fun to look at than this boring message.

So now the question is, Mark, dude, what's up? Facebook being down is causing the entire world to go ballistic. What happened? Of course, in reports, they're giving us the brush-off:

"We’re currently experiencing some site issues causing Facebook to be slow or unavailable for some users. We are working to resolve this issue as quickly as possible."

It makes me feel like a 5-year-old all over again: "But Mommy, why?" BECAUSE I SAID SO!


So, since they won't tell us, we'll come to our own conclusions:

  • Yeah, we thought Mark Zuckerberg was a nice guy when we heard about him giving $100 million to some poor New Jersey kids and their schools. But is this the cost? Screw the kids, give us back Facebook.
  • The movie Social Network comes out next week and portrays Mark as an awkward hoodie-wearing conniving tech geek. So Mark gives Hollywood a big F-U by shutting down the site. How do ya like that bitches?!?
  • This is a warning. If you go see the movie Social Network, this is what your life will be like. No Facebook. You will have to resort to the social networking reject, aka MySpace, where only emo wannabe bands and pre-teens live.
  • The United States plans to have another go at Iraq in 20 years -- this is their first attempt at building an army. Baby boom! (What else are people going to do when they can't get on Facebook?)

Why do you think Facebook failed?


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