'Hey! Vina' App: Why No One Should Have to Swipe Right to Make a Bestie

Do you need help making friends? Rounding out your squad? There's a new app for making friends called Hey! Vina out today that lets you swipe right for friendship. First off, the name: I mean, is it just me or does anyone think it sorta sounds like Hey! Vagina?! In the interest of being as obnoxious as possible, I will refer to it as such henceforth. 

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Which, ya know, may be why I have problems making and keeping friends, because I basically have the sense of humor of an eighth grade boy. Hey!  Vagina Vina works like this: You link the app to your Facebook account, which confirms you are female have a vagina, and then you fill out a six-question quiz detailing your personality traits. I'm not sure what this six-question quiz entails, but if I were trying to make friends with people, my app would look like this: 

  1. If we were at da club and Idris Elba wanted to bone me, would you let us bone and promise never ever ever to tell my husband? YES? Or NO? 
  2. If there was one piece of cake left, and I mean some seriously motherfucking delicious cake -- not that shit you get at the Kroger, but like some crazy-ass amazingly good cake with sprinkles and chocolatey filling and some bomb-ass frosting -- would you give it to me and not make me share? YES? Or NO? 
  3. Do you also hate Adam Sandler movies? YES? Or NO?
  4. If I decide I don't feel like being friends with you for weeks at a time and I'm feeling really lazy and sometimes having friends means having to put on outside pants and do outside things, are you cool with the fact I may ghost on you for long periods of time? YES? Or NO?
  5. Do you enjoy doing things like binge-watching Netflix while eating delicious snacks while NOT talking? YES? Or NO, DAMNIT
  6. Do you like swearing? YES? Or NO?

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The creators say that in the future the app will also offer "fun quizzes." 

I don't know, call me old-fashioned (or just call me old, IDC), but whatever happened to making friends the old-fashioned way? Like when you became friends with someone because you were at da club all shitfaced and Mr. Monthly showed up and you had no tampons and you were ridic panicking and some ride-or-die bitch showed up and gave you some personal feminine protection and you became besties that way? There ain't no app for that. 

 

Image via Everett Collection /Shutterstock 

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