Family Says Woman Killed Herself Over Being Unmarried & Childless by 30

sunsetTwenty-nine-year-old Rachel Gow from England wanted to get married and have children. And as she neared her 30th birthday, she felt very far from that goal and her anxiety was taking over. Her family said that she took her own life because she feared getting older without doing the things she thought she was supposed to be doing. I wish I could share my story with her and tell her to forget the timeline.

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I went through something similar when I was 25. I had a job that was going nowhere, a relationship that wasn't meant to be forever, and I knew I wanted more. I wanted everything in my life to be different. I was getting in my own way, preventing myself from moving forward to achieve the goals I wanted to achieve. But I was also too hard on myself. Twenty-five just like 30 is a milestone in our adult lives. We often put too much pressure on ourselves and think that we are supposed to do this or that by a certain age. We don't. We have to remind ourselves this.

Rachel's family reported that she had been having a very difficult time since her mother's death from cancer in 2011. She also had a fear that her live-in boyfriend of two years, Anton Tsvarev, would end their relationship. She was facing a lot and wasn't happy with where she thought her life was heading, and on November 1, she ingested poison and died.

I wish I could tell her that she shouldn't put so much pressure on herself, and that I understand how she feels. The 25-year-old me had similar feelings that the now 42-year-old me is glad I got through. We do this to ourselves -- put so much on a calendar, a timeline, especially women because we think "our time" will run out. But it doesn't have to. Know this. Do not let your time run out. Anxiety, depression, or a host of medical issues can make it hard to see how things can get better or see beyond the timelines placed on yourself. We don't know all the details surrounding Rachel's death, but she needed help. And for anyone considering the same, please know there is help.

I didn't get married until I was 35 -- and I had given up hope of that ever happening over the years. But then it happened. I was 37 when I had twins. And I was 40 when my marriage ended. Yes, ended. The thing I wanted so bad ended. And now two years later, I am happier now than ever even through the divorce, a milestone I never thought I'd endure. It has made me stronger than ever.

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While I know I can't bring back Rachel, or any woman who has experienced the same kind of feelings, I can hopefully reach other women to tell each one ... you can get through it. Forget those milestones. Live today. Love today. Find your happy today. It will get better. It might get hard. It might get very challenging. But when you get through it, life is incredible. We only have one. We can write our own stories with plot twists and unexpected turns that can happen at 25, at 30, at 40, at 50, and most excitingly, when we least expect it. Choose life, always.

Have you put timelines on yourself? How did you get through it when what you wanted to happen at a certain time didn't happen?

If you are concerned about yourself or someone else, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

 

Image via Paul Rysz/Flickr

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