Tom Brady Doesn't Want Anyone Touching His Perfect Balls (VIDEO)​

Oh, Tom Brady. Did he not just give the single most hilarious press conference of all time? Of all time! (As Kanye would say.) Of course, it was unintentionally hilar; after all, this is a somewhat serious matter (at least if you care about football). Brady and his New England Patriots are under suspicion for deflating footballs, which supposedly could have accounted for the Patriots' crushing 45-7 win over the Indianapolis Colts.

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So Brady was forced to defend himself to the world, and in the course of things, he had to say the word "balls" like 500 million times. He had to talk about touching them, squeezing them, and certainly loving them. Oh, and totally denying his balls were ever manhandled or had shrinkage!

Some classic lines from Brady's speech, which could have been penned by Saturday Night Live writers (I don't know how they could possibly skewer this, it's already perfect comedy):

Brady: When I pick those balls out ... to me, they're perfect. I don't want anyone touching the balls after that ... I don't want anyone rubbing them ...

Oh goodness. Is it getting hot in herree??

And then there's this:

Mmm. Erm, what were we talking about?

And then there's, oh lawd, this:

Gah, did he have to mention shriveled old balls?

And then there's how Brady likes his balls:

The only thing missing here is Brady talking about how he licks the balls! Sheesh, man!

Well, I don't know if Brady is a cheater, but I do know he has very strong opinions about balls. And I LOVE hearing about them. Hope Gisele Bundchen was okay with her husband revealing the perfection of his balls in front of everyone.

Now look deep into Tom Brady's eyes and listen to him talk about his balls. Do you believe him?

 

Image via Getty Images North America

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