Mom Brings Vagina Cookies to School & Loses It When Teacher Says 'Um, NO'

vagina cookie

I confess I sometimes get flustered when it's time to send in snacks for the classroom -- so many dietary restrictions! So hard to find healthy options that can be stored in the class but aren't made entirely of pencil shavings and high fructose corn syrup! -- but I have to say, I've never been tempted to send in a platter of vagina cookies.

Yes. You read that right: vagina cookies. According to a Reddit user's friend who is a teacher, that is exactly what a parent did when it was her turn to bring snacks for the class. The class of second graders, by the way. The mom brought a platter of sugar cookies decorated like vaginas, then pitched a complete fit when the teacher wouldn't hand them out to the confused students.

You guys, there are SCREEN SHOTS that capture the utter insanity that went down over these cootchies cookies. Are you ready for this?

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Okay, according to the Reddit user who posted the story from her teacher friend's first-person perspective, here's what happened after she agreed to let the volunteer parent bring in baked treats for a class reward:

So Friday rolls around and the kids are excited. [Mom] comes into the classroom with a pan full of treats and brings them to me and says with a smile "I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman's vagina today". Baffled and completely caught off guard I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS. There were small, puffy, white, brown, shaved, bald, and even a fire crotch with beef curtains. perplexed I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply "I'm sorry, but I can't give these to my students. This just isn't appropriate."

FIRE CROTCH WITH BEEF CURTAINS. I just died. I am typing this from beyond the grave. Fatal abdominal rupture due to extreme laughter. Oh Mylanta.

The story doesn't end there, though. After the teacher told the mom she couldn't hand out her baked anatomy examples, the woman started yelling that the teacher should be proud of her vagina and not settle for "a woman's role in life." She then stormed off, but not before shouting "vagina" enough times that the teacher got a flurry of emails that night from parents wondering just what exactly the day's lesson had been.

That's when the best email of all rolled in. From VAGINA MOM:

 

Holy crap. I thought it was kooky to start with (WE SHOULD INFORM SECOND GRADERS HOW TO PLEASE THE VAGINA), but after reading the final sentence, I'm pretty sure this woman is a few hairs short of a full bush, you know what I mean?

Thankfully for the teacher, the child was moved to a different school, no action was taken against the teacher, and the parent is no longer allowed on district property. Also, in case you were wondering, while there sadly is no photo documentation of the cookies, they were "actually pretty good."

In conclusion, I'm glad the scary vagina cookie mom has moved on, but I'm afraid for whatever school her child is going to now. What culinary treat WILL she bring in next, in order to celebrate the vagina? I'm thinking steamed clams.

Okay show of hands: who would be okay with their second grader being served a vagina cookie? Or a penis cookie, for that matter? I'm thinking this would be my reaction:



Image via rachelkramerbusseldotcom/Flickr

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