Tracking Edward Snowden: Where Is the Young CIA Geek Hiding Now?

So I guess we all know by now that the government is apparently collecting information on our phone calls and Internet searches -- helllo??? hello government?? -- but we wouldn't know any of this without Edward Snowden, the young CIA whistleblower who will no doubt be played by Robert Pattinson in the inevitable TV movie. Anyhow, what's ol' Edward up to these days since he blew the lid off that creepy NSA thing? Things aren't looking so good for Edward, I'm afraid. I mean, did you think they would allow tattletaling on the government like that? In fact, no one seems to know where Edward Snowden actually is! Dah-dah-duuuuum.


Snowden was rumored to be hiding out in Hong Kong so he wouldn't, you know, disappear or something ... which would never happen, right?! Well, of course it could. So he got the hell out of dodge.

Then the U.S. charged him with espionage and theft. After Hong Kong, Snowden apparently "slipped" into Russia. Which is just totally weird because how do you slip anywhere these days? There are surveillance cams all over Hong Kong airports. Snowden must have changed his appearance and he's using a fake passport and all that cool Jason Bourne kinda stuff.

Also, he's being helped by anti-secrecy group WikiLeaks! OMG, this guy leads a very exciting life. If he told you half this shit on a date, you'd have him committed. You might sleep with him first though. (Is he a geeky hunk? A gunk?)

So he supposedly went to Russia, because we know that Vladimir Putin hates President Obama. You don't think so? Check out these photos! These two really would rather be getting root canals than have to sit next to each other.

So after Snowden pit stops in Russia -- probably to unload some state secrets -- he then planned to fly to Cuba, and from there to seek asylum in Ecuador.

ONLY HE NEVER MADE IT ONTO THE PLANE!!! Reports say that Edward's plane seat out of Russia was EMPTY and now no one knows if he's still in Russia or WHAT. Ugh, I feel bad for this guy. He was just doing what his conscience told him to do. Government spying is getting out of control! Don't hurt Edward, he's just doing what he thought was right! Edward, Edwaaaaard!!!!!

Just kidding, government, Snowden is totally NOT on my fold-out couch right now.

What do you think about what Edward Snowden did? Do you think the government is spying on us?

Image via YouTube

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