I have only my own experience to base this advice on, which is meant to show you a few super-casual ways to meet someone famous. Whether you talk to them or not is up to you. Whether you pull up your shirt and ask them to sign your boobs: also up to you. I take no responsibility for how you use this advice, I'm just telling you what has worked for me.

1. Live in a large city. Large cities are hubs of industry, finance, and entertainment. Let's say you want to meet famous actors. Where do successful actors live? New York and Los Angeles, mostly, when they're not visiting their parents or walking on the beach in Turks and Caicos. If you, too, live in NY or LA, you will up your chances by 1,000,000 percent of seeing Elizabeth Banks going into a Starbucks.

I've always loved making unusual valentines to express the goofiness of my love. One year I made my husband a basket filled with pink donuts and toothbrushes; it showed I wanted to please his palate, but I also cared about his dental health. Another year I just took a check from our checkbook and made it out to him for the amount of "one million blow jobs." It made him laugh and acknowledged the fact that after five years of togetherness we had become exceedingly, comically blunt with each other.

On Valentine's Day we might want to find a way to convey a big message simply: our love is eternal, I appreciate you, you still turn me on. But sentiments like that don't always get to the heart of what keeps love alive. The Victorians used the language of flowers to acknowledge the complexity, the messiness, and the practical side of their unspoken feelings, so why can't we use symbols, too?

When I was a kid, my father used to get so upset yelling at bad calls and missed balls during the college bowl games that he finally had to stop watching them for fear of giving himself a heart attack. So it is safe to say that I grew up with an unreasonable fear of televised football, because WHO KNOWS? IT MIGHT KILL YOU.

Still, I am a wee bit envious of people who look forward to Super Bowl Sunday. Especially women who know what a touchback is and who not only own but proudly wear their favorite team's jersey. Who are they, and how did they get that way? Why aren't they spending the entire game on their laptops having emotional affairs on Facebook, flinching every time someone scores a touchdown?

I know, you could always just leave the house if you don't like the Super Bowl -- the streets are empty! It's the perfect time to go to Target! Fortunately, there are a lot of good reasons to stick around for the game.