I’m Jen. And I’m the mother of two teens and the stepmother of one. Which means that I’m divorced. (And have been for over a decade.) And remarried. (And have been for over six years.) Hubs owns a restaurant which means I rarely have to cook. But I do all of the dishes. And when I’m not shuttling my kids around, doing multiple loads of laundry or going to Las Vegas with my husband, I can be found writing at my personal blog Life’s Dewlaps. I hope having a sense of humor will help me get through the teen years, co-parenting and aging. I’ll let you know.
Espresso in the morning, Dirty Vodka Martinis on Thursday nights
Wise women know that they can't change their men. And those men should know that this goes both ways and they shouldn't try to change us either. The end result is not going to be good for them.
Case in point? The guy I dated who couldn’t get it through his thick head that I didn’t like lamb. Even after he put it on a fork and waggled it near my mouth. No thank you. No. NO. I pushed it away and it fell on his silk shorts. (Which should have been my first clue.)
I learned the hard way that the right person for me to be with was the one who didn’t want to change me. Because I am who I am and I’m not going to change.
Here are 10 things that you can never change about a woman:
When I was getting divorced, one of the biggest tasks, after agreeing on a custody arrangement for the kids, was dividing up all of our material things. The car, the house, the pots and pans.
There was a lot of back and forth with our attorneys as we figured out what stayed with me and what was to go with my ex-husband.
It wasn’t pleasant and it wasn't easy -- but then again, divorce is never easy -- but we accomplished it without having to go to court.
What wasn’t decided in the attorneys’ offices? Which friends would remain with me and which ones would go with him. Figuring that out was simpler than I initially thought it would be. Especially once I came to terms with the fact that we couldn't all remain friends.
Not everybody thinks that getting married a second time is a good idea. Maybe they were burned badly in their divorce and they don't want to get hurt. Again. Or they have kids and think it's better to raise them without a step-parent.
After my divorce, I always assumed that I would remarry. I still believed in the institution of marriage. And I had seen how wonderful the second time around could be. My parents divorced when I was in high school and a few years after that, they both remarried. And they've been happily married to their spouses for more than 25 years.
When I married my second husband, I was surprised by how easy it was to be a wife again. And I don't mean that in an old-fashioned kind of way. I mean making the commitment, living under the same roof (and not just sneaking in a few nights when the kids were with their other parents), and sharing in the decision-making for our newly blended family.
Has this ever happened to you? You're out with one of your friends, who happens to have a penis, and you somehow end up falling in to bed with him.
How'd that go for you?
I did this once. And I admit there was alcohol involved. Lost in the moment, it seemed like a good idea. We were alone on an island for a night. Who could it hurt? But after our one and done encounter, our friendship was never the same. Having sex permanently changes your relationship, no matter how close you were before.
So while I’m all for having casual sex, here are 5 reasons why having sex with a friend will ruin your friendship:
Do you remember the first time you were naked with a guy? I don’t mean the first time ever. I’m talking about the first time with someone new, like after a break-up. Maybe you were nervous. Maybe you felt a little self-conscious about baring your body.
Or, if you were me, baring your body to someone for the first time since you had been divorced, you felt very self-conscious.
Before my foray in to sex after my divorce, the last time I had been with someone new was when I was in my mid-20s. And it was with my first husband-to-be. Before kids, before two C-sections and breastfeeding had taken their tolls on my body.
So here I was, in my mid-30s, with a post-kids body, getting ready to be intimate with someone new. I was nervous and my usually latent insecurity was making itself known.