I’m Jen. And I’m the mother of two teens and the stepmother of one. Which means that I’m divorced. (And have been for over a decade.) And remarried. (And have been for over six years.) Hubs owns a restaurant which means I rarely have to cook. But I do all of the dishes. And when I’m not shuttling my kids around, doing multiple loads of laundry or going to Las Vegas with my husband, I can be found writing at my personal blog Life’s Dewlaps. I hope having a sense of humor will help me get through the teen years, co-parenting and aging. I’ll let you know.
Espresso in the morning, Dirty Vodka Martinis on Thursday nights
While you’re getting intimate with your husband or partner, do you fantasize about somebody else?
Maybe you’re trying to get those pesky little to-do lists out of your head. Maybe you’re trying to keep yourself awake after yet another 16-hour day.
Or maybe you’re just a little bored. After all, it isn’t easy to keep things spicy after you’ve been together for a while, and what better way to get yourself through a sexual rut than to think about Ian Somerhalder kissing and caressing you?
When I made the decision to get divorced, I thought I had pretty much figured out what my life would be like after the papers were signed. Single parent. Working full-time. Every other weekend blissfully to myself.
Other than that, life would just go on much the way it had been going.
Boy, was I naive.
That first year had a really steep learning curve. And 10 years out, even after getting re-married, I'm still learning.
There were so many things I didn't know, and didn't even consider, when I got divorced. Things I really wish I had known before I became a divorcee. Not because they would have changed the outcome of my marriage but because it would have been nice to be forewarned.
So let me share with you some of the things that nobody tells you about life after divorce:
A few weeks ago, I was at my son’s baseball game with three women whom I had just met and as our conversation progressed, and we ignored our teens playing on the field, we realized that we had something in common:
We had all been divorced.
Wow. That's a pretty incredible statistic. Four out of four. And as we shared our divorce stories, I was thinking about how things have changed. Society is much more accepting of divorce and there is definitely less of a stigma attached to having a marriage that didn’t make it.
Wise women know that they can't change their men. And those men should know that this goes both ways and they shouldn't try to change us either. The end result is not going to be good for them.
Case in point? The guy I dated who couldn’t get it through his thick head that I didn’t like lamb. Even after he put it on a fork and waggled it near my mouth. No thank you. No. NO. I pushed it away and it fell on his silk shorts. (Which should have been my first clue.)
I learned the hard way that the right person for me to be with was the one who didn’t want to change me. Because I am who I am and I’m not going to change.
Here are 10 things that you can never change about a woman:
When I was getting divorced, one of the biggest tasks, after agreeing on a custody arrangement for the kids, was dividing up all of our material things. The car, the house, the pots and pans.
There was a lot of back and forth with our attorneys as we figured out what stayed with me and what was to go with my ex-husband.
It wasn’t pleasant and it wasn't easy -- but then again, divorce is never easy -- but we accomplished it without having to go to court.
What wasn’t decided in the attorneys’ offices? Which friends would remain with me and which ones would go with him. Figuring that out was simpler than I initially thought it would be. Especially once I came to terms with the fact that we couldn't all remain friends.