I write about parenting, home, food, clutter, thermostat wars, princesses -- so, basically, my life with a husband, 9 year old son, and 7 year old daughter. Previously I wrote about health and family at readersdigest.com, and before that, I was a newspaper reporter, and before that ... I can't remember anymore.
It's Tan Mom ... biiitch. Are you ready??? begins a new music video by Patricia Krentcil aka "Tan Mom," and it just gets worse from there. TMZ had obtained exclusive rights to the video, which is being hailed as possibly the worst music video you have ever seen. That pretty much nails it. The video features 45-year-old Krentcil and all her browned and saggy bits sexing it up in tight outfits and rubbing herself againt random men, singing about how she's so much hotter than Teen Mom (Farrah, I guess?) and Octomom. It's so astoundingly bad it's awesome.
We were able to decipher some of the lyrics (some of which she does sing), but not all, sorry. It was impossible to replay this video because you can really only watch this once without burning your eyes out.
Canadian singer Alexis Normand tweeted that she is 'embarrassed and deeply sorry' for the most cringeworthy rendition of the Star Spangled Banner ever yesterday at a junior hockey game. I guess that's really the only thing you can say after a performance like that. It's brutal to watch. Poor thing. She is Canadian after all. Even many American singers have a hard time getting through it flawlessly, though I will never truly understand why, as the lyrics aren't that hard to memorize.
To make things even worse (if that's possible), when Normand forgot some of the words, she started to make them up ... prompting laughs from the American and Canadian hockey players in the 2013 Memorial Cup.
But then, something pretty amazing happens, the kind of thing that exemplifies what America is all about.
Stephen Colbert had graduates from the University of Virginia grabbing their stomachs for most of his 17-minute commencement address yesterday. The satirist, who did not attend the university (his application to attend there as a transfer student was rejected) but whose wife, Evelyn, did, put on a show worthy of any Colbert Report. Even the mandatory "advice" part on the end, where he makes fun of Millennials for be self-absorbed and beholden to their social media gods, is hysterical. But seriously, is this guy never not funny? He could breath and we'd laugh.
Here are 9 of his most brilliant quips from the speech:
It's a sad, sad day, everyone!!!! Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have really broken up, you guys!!!! No really. No REALLLY. Do you notice all the soggy tear marks over these sentences?!!! Do you notice all the exclamation points to try to convince you we really believe this latest bit of gossip, and that we're absolutely distraught?!!!! Okay so, no, it's probably just all bullshit again. Or a day that ends in "a-y." Yes, we know we all have a right to be skeptical. But we have to go with this, you know, because it's our duty to the entire Bella and Edward-loving world. We have to be positively wrecked by this news even though these two break up every other day and it doesn't surprise us in the least.
Yet there is one thing about this recent rumor that makes us wonder if this time, it's really, kinda, sorta true, and that's ....
Is it just me or has this been a particularly awful month in terms of horror stories about women being kidnapped, killed or forced to do depraved things against their will? Last thing we need is another one, but of course, we got it. A former Philadelphia police officer has been arrested for date raping -- possibly at gunpoint -- two 20-year-old women he met at a party. Richard DeCoatsworth, 27, was arrested and charged with rape, sexual assault, terroristic threats and related offenses after the two victims reported him to police.