
Photo by Stephanie Dennis
The results came in last Saturday. I wish I could tell you that we're celebrating good news. That we received the longed-for phone call. But we didn't.
We were informed that the results were a BFN (big fat negative).
In spite of all that science, all those hormones, all those embryos placed just so, we're still right where we started (minus a chunk of change). Folks, I think the best way to put is that this f-ing sucks.
That last week of the IVF cycle ... waiting for the results ... was hell. I have to put this in perspective. I realize it's not the same kind of hell as, say, a loved one being gravely ill. Or having some kind of debilitating condition befall you. Or living in a war-torn country. But as anyone trying to conceive (TTC) knows, it's its own special hell: A toxic cocktail of disappointment, fear, anger, bewilderment, envy, desperation, longing, and sadness. And the longer you've been at it, the stronger the mix.
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