I'm a writer all over the web! I've contributed news, rants, funny lists and entertaining academic fakery at XOJane, The Hairpin, The Barnes and Noble Book Blog, and The Toast, to name but a few. When not writing for the internet, I spend my time writing plays and taunting my cat with bits of pretzel that I will ultimately not let him have.
There's good, there's great, and then there's coffee.
On the finale of Ladies of London tonight, nothing could have worked out more perfectly. Caprice Bourret got exactly what she wanted: Two healthy babies and the hell away from Caroline Stanbury. It was the most satisfying conclusion to the beef that had been brewing all season long. That said, I wish the final confrontation between Caroline and Caprice had been a little less, well, British.
In America, if you are on a reality T.V. show and you demand that someone leave your house, it doesn't end a fight. Exhibit this season of The Real Housewives of Orange County. Heather Dubrow banishing Shannon Beador from her stoop didn't end their feud, it inflamed it. That wasn't the case here. Caroline said that if Caprice insisted on calling her a bully in her own home, she could leave. Caprice left ... and that was it. Things were fine! Caprice lost the battle, the friendship is over, and everyone moved on.
This week's episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County was intense. Oh sure, it kind of always is what with all the drama constantly brewing betwixt the ladies. But this week the devil came home to roost, which is a fancy and rhetorically lazy of saying that Tamra Judge finally got what was coming to her. Her son Ryan announced that he was moving away and getting married and she about lost her mind.
Seriously, it was a little creepy. While I am all for Tamra finally feeling the pangs of misery and unhappiness that she has caused others to endure (not even hyperbole, y'all), I could have done without her creepy insistence that her son was choosing to marry a woman who was "just like her." Guess what? Blond hair and a job do not make you Tamra's double. I say this as ... a blond with a job. You kind of can't blame Ryan for wanting to get the eff out of town.
This week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the producers (so the rabid genius of a monkey employed by Ryan Seacrest and Kris Jenner wearing a full Darth Vader suit) really, really wanted us to care about Kris and Bruce Jenner bickering as the family vacationed together in Thailand. If we weren't going to do that, they wanted us to worry about Rob Kardashian failing to show up for the flight. But because we are, as a nation, distracted by boobs, butts, and Brody Jenner, the moment we can't get over this week is Brody catching Kim Kardashian basically naked.
I laughed, I cried, I ignored the entire sequence where they got a tour of the resort and then went zip-lining. Kim kind of had this awkward moment coming. Much like me, she did not pay a whit of attention to her stunning surroundings other than mewling that she heard the food in Thailand was good. She spent her time creating a book of sexy selfies for Kanye West.
Tonight's episode of Sister Wives had each and every member of the Brown family 'revealed.' At least that's what the title indicated. Instead of shocking truths and a lot of gasp-worthy moments, we get a series of home videos and baby photos screened on a mammoth white sheet in the backyard. The only real moment of truth happened so quickly, if you paused to go eat some watermelon or perhaps make use of the toilet, you missed it. That moment? When Meri Brown and Janelle Brown openly acknowledged that their relationship needs work.
You'd think that when it came to a man being married to three women, he'd be in the hot seat often. That doesn't seem to be the case with Kody Brown. While polygamy isn't my jam (the idea of my dude being married to other ladies is enough to make my fists involuntarily clench and also suddenly I am holding brass knuckles), Kody seems to have it on lock. His ladies are happy with him -- just not always with each other. Exhibit Meri and Janelle.
Who stole the show yet again this week on Leah Remini: It's All Relative? Why, mama Vicki, that's who! Vicki was desperate to do something not all of us would be psyched to see our moms go for. She really, really wanted a tattoo. That's not all. The woman who is nearly 65 wanted what she described as "a tramp stamp." She wasn't kidding either. The funky astrological design backed with a jaguar's haunting gaze was tramp-tacular and fun. Leah had the best reaction to her mom's tattoo ever.
At first she played the whining, grossed out kid. She gave her mom a lot of grief about wanting the ink, especially at her age. But all teasing aside, Leah acknowledged (to the cameras, if not to her mother) that if it was going to make the broad who bore her happy, she would support her on her tattoo adventure.