I'm a writer all over the web! I've contributed news, rants, funny lists, and entertaining academic fakery at XOJane, The Hairpin, The Barnes and Noble Book Blog, and The Toast, to name but a few. When not writing for the Internet, I spend my time writing plays and taunting my cat with bits of pretzel that I will ultimately not let him have.
There's good, there's great, and then there's coffee
This is really sad! Speculation started earlier this week that Nick Cannon and his wife Mariah Carey were on the brink of divorce. Neither party has mentioned the 'D' word themselves, with Mariah staying totally mum on the issue. But today, Cannon himself spoke up and admitted that things haven't been going well for a while now between the couple, who have two kids together. Ugh! This makes me genuinely sad for reasons I cannot fully explain.
While Cannon is open about the fact that he and Mariah have been "living separate lives," he doesn't seem to think that this means their marriage is over. Or if that's what he's really thinking, he's not saying it. Cannon seems like a good guy and, true to this, says his biggest priority throughout this time of upheaval with Mariah is to maintain a stable and happy life for their children. Nick Cannon. I have quietly come to believe that you are the greatest.
If you go on a show like VH1's Dating Naked, you can safely expect two things: That you will be naked, and that you will be seen on television -- still naked. Unless, of course, you are contestant Jessie Nizewitz who is suing Viacom, VH1's parent company, for exposing her naked lower-half on the show.
Um, okay, I have zero sympathy for this broad, am I alone in this? Jessie thinks the show should pay her $10 million for revealing her private parts to the cable-having world. I think she is insane.
According to Jessie, the show assured her that they would blur out her private parts by the time the show made it to prime-time. But, in a naked wrestling scene, Jessie's bits and bobbles were totally unblurred and totally on display. Whoops.
Justin Bieber is in the news again. Of course, by "in the news," I mean "on Instagram doing something alarming." The Biebs has shaved off his infamous 'stache. If you didn't get a peek of Bieber with his light-colored, sparse facial hair, consider yourself lucky. It was less of a mustache and more of just the idea of one. If you put a cat on his face, it would probably have licked the mustache right off of his person. Now THAT'S a video I'd watch!
Sadly, no kittens were involved in the video Justin shared of himself shaving off his 'stache. The dude used some sort of vibrating razor (giggity) and showed himself (poorly) removing the facial hair from his person. He seemed kind of sad (albeit in a playful way #youknowbiebs) about banishing the 'stache. So it leads me to wonder -- what made him decide to get rid of it? Could a certain laaaaaady (*cough* Selena Gomez *cough*) have requested it?
Okay, so I'm not one of those people who is obsessed with Jimmy Fallon. That said, he definitely tickles my humor-pickle from time to time. His antics with Pierce Brosnan on his show this week are a great example of Jimmy at his best. Have you seen the clip? It's almost too adorable to exist. God bless the Internet for presenting it to me; otherwise, I would have gone around pouting about my workload for the entire day instead of giggling as Fallon pretends he is fighting James Bond with one of the best Bonds around.
In the video, Fallon is interviewing Brosnan. He finally admits that playing GoldenEye on Nintendo 64 was one of his favorite things to do back in the day, and he's always harbored a secret dream of playing the game with Brosnan himself. Although he's initially reticent, Pierce joins in the fun and it's pretty much the cutest thing I've ever seen. Fallon totally geeks out.
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannonare headed to divorce court. At least, that's what the tabloids would have you believe. If it's true, I have this to say, nay, this to loudly wail to the heavens: LOVE IS DEAD. Though neither half of the couple has said anything officially, Nick and Mariah haven't been photographed together in ages, and they put their mansion up for sale in July. Selling off the mansion is never a good sign.
What's the reason for their schism? In addition to non-stop fighting, apparently Mariah suspects that Nick has been fooling around with other women. I find this suspect, as every woman on the planet still quietly in at least part of her heart wants to BE Mariah Carey, not be WITH her husband. No word yet as to whether or not this rumor is totally true and Nick was just snapped smiling and wearing his wedding ring, but who knows what goes on behind closed doors?