I live in Eugene, Oregon with my husband and our sons Riley (8) and Dylan (6). Prior to 2010 I spent many years as a software marketer, these days I work from home as a freelance writer. I enjoy high-quality ballpoint pens, exercise-induced endorphins, dark TV dramas, and things that smell like coconut.
I'm always vaguely surprised to hear that Grey's Anatomy is still on the air. There was a time when I was mildly obsessed with the show (even though I lived in Seattle at the time and eternally raged against the characters' habit of referring to ferries as ferry boats), but that was like eight seasons ago. Back when Isaiah Washington played Dr. Burke, before he triggered a media poopstorm over accusations that he'd insulted his co-star T.R. Knight with an ugly anti-gay slur.
Do you remember all that craziness in 2007? It was a total circus, with Washington first issuing a statement that apologized for the slur, then announcing backstage at the Golden Globes that "I never called T.R. a faggot." ABC reportedly subjected him to "executive counseling" before ultimately dropping him like a hot potato.
You guys remember Batkid, don't you? Sure you do, who could forget little Miles Scott, the adorable 5-year-old leukemia patient who got to be a superhero for a day back in November thanks to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. People went nuts for Batkid, with tens of thousands who gathered to see him save San Francisco-turned-Gotham City and hundreds of thousands of tweets circulating about the event.
Well, it turns out that Batkid, whose leukemia is thankfully in remission, was scheduled to appear onstage during the Oscars on Sunday night. He and his family had traveled for the event, rehearsed his routine inside the Dolby Theater in Los Angeles, and had Miles all prepped in a pint-sized tuxedo -- when his segment was abruptly canceled by the Academy. Worse, they gave no explanation to Miles or his family for cutting him from the show.
REAL TALK: I am pissed at the Miami Beach Police Department. Why am I angry with a fully accredited law enforcement agency, which is "dedicated to pursuing every opportunity and engaging all challenges as part of this organization’s on-going quest for excellence," you ask? Well, aside from the fact that their website uses the term "on-going" as if it's perfectly normal to put a dash in there, I'm completely disgusted with the fact that the Miami police are making me defend Justin Bieber.
I don't want to defend Justin Bieber, you guys. I want to make fun of his awful clown shoes and his droopy pants and his bad decisions and his pouty little slappable King Joffrey face. Instead, I'm thinking how reprehensible it is that his January DUI has spiraled into a freakish police show-and-tell, which has resulted, so far, in a slew of revealing arrest photos and a video of his URINE TEST.
Calling all True Detectivefans! You know who you are: you're the ones obsessing over every single episode, dissecting each scene in the hopes of unraveling some hidden visual metaphor. You're annoying everyone around you by constantly talking about the show and how amazing the acting is, seriously, oh my god it's just so good. You can't stop recommending it to folks who couldn't care less and just wish you'd shut the hell up already. You're exactly as annoying as a freshly inducted Paleo dieter in a world filled with gluten.
Which is to say, you are my people. True Detective nerds, I have an awesome gift for you: highlights from the 450-page graph (!!!) Matthew McConaughey made to fully embody his character on the show. Here are the "four stages of Rustin Cohle" for your reading pleasure, because are there hidden meanings or clues in this? MAYYYYBE.
I've spent a LOT of time thinking about what Jennifer Lawrence would taste like if she were ground up into a cured sausage (who hasn't?), and I'm absolutely blown away that BiteLabs -- a company using meat that has been lab-grown from celebrity tissuesamples to make artisanal salamis -- shares my vision, down to the base mixture of rabbit and pork. BiteLabs goes on to describe the flavor profile in mouthwatering detail: "The JLaw salami is coarse ground in a rustic style, smoothed with notes of honey, and spiced with orange zest and ginger."
If you've seen the movie Antiviral, you knew it was only a matter of time until delicious meat was grown from the cells of celebrities. Thanks to the innovative team at BiteLabs who curate sausage blends from biopsied myoblast cells, the future is here -- and it tastes like James Franco, Kanye West, Ellen DeGeneres, or any other celebrity you might want to devour.