I live in Eugene, Oregon with my husband and our sons Riley (8) and Dylan (6). Prior to 2010 I spent many years as a software marketer, these days I work from home as a freelance writer. I enjoy high-quality ballpoint pens, exercise-induced endorphins, dark TV dramas, and things that smell like coconut.
I've spent a LOT of time thinking about what Jennifer Lawrence would taste like if she were ground up into a cured sausage (who hasn't?), and I'm absolutely blown away that BiteLabs -- a company using meat that has been lab-grown from celebrity tissuesamples to make artisanal salamis -- shares my vision, down to the base mixture of rabbit and pork. BiteLabs goes on to describe the flavor profile in mouthwatering detail: "The JLaw salami is coarse ground in a rustic style, smoothed with notes of honey, and spiced with orange zest and ginger."
If you've seen the movie Antiviral, you knew it was only a matter of time until delicious meat was grown from the cells of celebrities. Thanks to the innovative team at BiteLabs who curate sausage blends from biopsied myoblast cells, the future is here -- and it tastes like James Franco, Kanye West, Ellen DeGeneres, or any other celebrity you might want to devour.
In an Oscars night that was mostly devoid of controversy (excepting John Travolta invoking Xenu when he introduced Idina Menzel), the one joke that Ellen DeGeneres cracked onstage that actually made me wince came at the expense of Liza Minnelli. Now, compared to Seth MacFarlane's plethora of oh-no-he-DIDN'Ts in 2013, Ellen's dig at Minnelli was pretty tame, but it still felt pretty cringeworthy when Ellen referred to Minnelli as "the best Liza Minnelli impersonator I’ve ever seen."
Maybe part of the awkwardness was Ellen's delivery, since she was sort of stumbling over her lines as she set up the joke. But once she got to the final zinger -- "Good job, sir" -- I was surprised that Nice Gal Ellen had said something so mean.
As it turns out, Liza Minnelli wasn't exactly a huge fan of how the joke turned out either.
I wake up around 6:30 when I hear a combination of sounds: the shower running, my 6-year-old in the bathroom cheerily talking to my husband through the curtain, our cat yowling outside the 8-year-old's bedroom door. I lie in bed, cocooned by comfort and familiarity, while my husband pours Cheerios and kisses me goodbye. My youngest, the early riser, is puttering around in his bedroom singing to himself. The cat continues her relentless nagging. I get up as my 8-year-old emerges, and we trade blurry morning hellos.
"Dad already gave me breatfask," Dylan says. I run my hand over the top of his head and smile: I never want him to pronounce this word correctly. Riley sits down to a mountainous pile of cereal and devours the entire thing while dreamily paging through a battered Calvin & Hobbes book. I pull my fuzzy blue robe around me, walk across the living room, and open the blinds on our front windows. Thus signals -- at least in my mind -- the official start to the day.
If it's Sunday, we must be talking about the pop culture event that gripped the entire nation this evening! The moaning crowds gathered to slobber over deliciously tempting bits of exposed human flesh, the shambling, half-rotted figures whose forever-frozen-in-time features are held together by mystical forces beyond our understanding! But I'll leave the Oscars recap to another writer, because I watched the zombie show instead.
Here's what went down on tonight's episode of The Walking Dead -- and as always, spoilers ahead.
Is it just me, or is the second half of Walking Dead's season 4 feeling kind of … meh so far? I can't really put my finger on what I'm not loving about these episodes, but the tension just hasn't been there for me. Even that wonderfully-shot scene of Rick evading the house intruders last week didn't keep me glued to the TV like it should have.
Still, even a tepid Walking Dead is more entertaining than most shows out there right now (excepting True Detective, of course, which I sincerely hope you are watching), and I'm definitely looking forward to Sunday's show. Because for those of us who have been suffering from Acute Daryl Dixon Deprivation, it looks like this next episode is going to address that in a big way.
(Spoiler warning: stop now if you aren't caught up with the latest Walking Dead!)