Linda Sharps


I live in Eugene, Oregon with my husband and our sons Riley (8) and Dylan (6). Prior to 2010 I spent many years as a software marketer, these days I work from home as a freelance writer. I enjoy high-quality ballpoint pens, exercise-induced endorphins, dark TV dramas, and things that smell like coconut.

Sipping on:

Sugar-Free Red Bull (mmm, chemical-y)

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    There are only 12 days left until the Walking Dead season 5 premiere airs, so it seems like a good time to sift through the very latest hints and teases, doesn’t it? I’ve got a pretty good roundup today, which includes a quote from the show runner on whether or not those Terminus folks really are cannibals, a MAJOR clue about how the survivors will escape the boxcar, and a familiar “trusted partner” that we won’t be seeing anymore in the new season.

    Want your Walking Dead viewing experience to remain pure as the driven snow? Read no farther, my spoiler-avoiding friend. Otherwise, let’s review some of the juicy tidbits released by the cast and crew in recent days.

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    If I were having coffee with some fellow moms and our conversation drifted to what we really wanted for Mother’s Day, I bet there would be a lot of laughter and interruptions as we started shouting out our goofy fantasies: “Shirtless Benedict Cumberbatch vacuuming the living room! Miracle yoga pants that make our butts look like two perky grapefruits bouncing on a trampoline! A weekend getaway to a sensory deprivation chamber filled with crème brûlée!” But would we want those admittedly stereotypical responses shared on a television program? No. Which is why I feel conflicted about the controversy that’s sprung up from a "What Woman Want" category that was featured on Monday's Jeopardy! program.

    On the one hand, this is 2014, and women want things like gender equality, reproductive rights, and freedom from sexual harassment and violence. On the other hand ... well, we also want someone to unload the dishwasher every now and then.

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    What are some of the most powerful, enduring life lessons you remember from the Julia Roberts movie Pretty Woman? Let’s see ... johns are always going to be super-hot silver foxes who are insanely rich so prostitution is a totally viable career choice, shopkeepers should never make assumptions about how much money you have (“Big mistake. Big. Huge.”), and if you’re a high school student wearing jeggings, you’re a dirty whore.

    Hang on, that third one doesn’t seem quite right. Regardless, this is basically the message a North Dakota assistant high school principal sent students recently after forcing kids to watch Pretty Woman as an example of why they shouldn’t wear leggings, jeggings, or tight jeans.

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    Do you remember Yoselyn Ortega, the New York nanny who was charged with stabbing two small children to death? Yeah, it’s kind of hard to forget a horrific headline-grabbing story like that. Ortega allegedly killed 6-year-old Lucia Krim and 2-year-old Leo Krim last October while their mother was out picking up her third child from a swimming lesson, and last I heard, she was being found mentally fit to stand trial when a judge ruled that jailhouse phone calls proved she wasn’t too delusional to understand her case.

    As if the Krim family hasn’t already been through enough, the New York Post reports that mom Marina Krim is being traumatized by seeing Ortega’s lookalike sister on a daily basis. In a truly unfortunate twist, Yoselyn Ortega’s sister Celia now babysits a schoolmate of the Krims’ only surviving daughter.

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    When my kids were younger, I remember thinking how much easier things would be when they got past the baby/toddler stage. Now that they are 9 and 6, I'm greatly relieved to have made it through the years of sleep deprivation, tantrums, and potty training -- but while the physical job of caring for them has eased, I'm discovering that our lives are actually growing more hectic day by day.

    I've always said that babies should come with their own "It gets better" campaign, but in terms of creating scheduling headaches and the sensation of being overwhelmed at all times, it turns out that kids only get worse as they get older. Hello, I feel like I should have been warned about this! The system's broken! I mean, come on, I'm getting older too! Yeats must have been thinking about motherhood when he wrote, "Turning and turning in the widening gyre; (...) Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."

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